Two Word Movie Review - The Dark Tower

Here are your two words:

"Two Stories"

No, this doesn't refer to how tall the Dark Tower is.
These two words let you know that the movie is a completely separate story from the Stephen King "Dark Tower / Gunslinger" 7-book series.

Sure, you have Roland the Gunslinger, Walter the man in black, and Jake the boy from New York.  There's also one creepy-ass house.
And yeah, there's a tower.
But there's little else in the movie that you will recognize from the books.

Beyond that, it's a pretty decent action flick.
If you want an action flick, you should go. You'll like it. As a bonus, very little of the movie has "Stephen King" creepiness. It's a solid action flick.



However, if you've read the books and you want to see a totally awesome movie adaptation of the books, don't go.
You will be very disappointed.

It's a good movie, but it's not the story you might be expecting.

***
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Two Word Movie Review - Dunkirk

Here are your two words:

Three Stories

This movie is three stories blended together to illustrate what happened on the beach of Dunkirk, France during World War II.

I thought it was a good movie.
It was not the movie I thought I was going to see.
I thought the movie was going to be about the British civilians who sailed their personal seacraft to the beach and saved lives.
I mean, read the poster: "When 400,000 men couldn't get home, home came for them."
I was partly right, but I was mostly wrong.

Because only one third of this movie was about the brave civilians.
Another third of the movie was about fighter pilots.
And another third of it followed the soldiers on the beach.

Knowing that you are watching three separate stories will help you enjoy the movie more.  During the movie, you are shown the words "The Mole: One Week", "The Sea: One Day" and "The Air: One Hour".  Those words are meant to explain that you are watching one story about what happens over the course of one week on The Mole (the beach), a separate story about what happens on The Sea over the course of one day, and another story about what is happening in The Air over the course of just one hour.
(Maybe you are far smarter than I am, but I had no idea what those words were trying to tell me; I had my ah-ha! moment in the car on the way home afterwards.)

It's a good story.
All of them.

If you can't get to the theater before it's gone, rent it or buy it when it comes out on DVD/BluRay.

***
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Two Word Movie Review - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Here are your two words:

"Father's Day"

Not a spoiler; I don't think it's a secret, and you won't be surprised anyway to find out that we meet Starlord's dad in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

The theme of fatherhood is threaded through the entire movie all the way to the very last bonus scene at the end of the credits.  (Not that bonus scene, the next one.  No no, not that one either, the next one.  Listen, just stay in your seat until the house lights come up and the muzak comes on in the theater, 'k?)

Take your dad to this movie.
Take your old-enough-to-watch-it kids to this movie.
Go on Father's Day if it's still in a theater near you.

(The planets aligned in the Ack!Thbbbt! universe, and even though we did not plan it, both boys were able to join The Husband and me at this viewing.  It was nice.  And when I realized the fatherhood theme was a thing and shouted it outloud in the theater, none of my family members hid in shame refusing to admit they were related to me.  Instead, their eyes lit up and they agreed with my assessment.)

The good news is this sequel is unique in that it does not suck like most sequels do.
The humor and the character development hold up just as well in Volume 2 as they did in the original.  The sound track rocks as hard as the first, also.  I had no idea those 70's hits I grew up with were ever this kickass.
You will probably enjoy this movie more if you've seen Volume 1; you kind of need to know the characters and what they mean to each other to really appreciate the relationship dynamics.

This was a fine follow up to the first Guardians of the Galaxy.  I recommend it highly.

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Two Word Movie Review - Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Here are your two words:

War Movie

This is a good movie.
But it's not your typical Tina Fey comedy.  It's not really a comedy at all.  It's a war movie. 
Based on the book  The Taliban Shuffle: Strange Days in Afghanistan and Pakistan by Kim Barker, "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" stars Tina Fey as a 40+ aged broadcast journalist sent to Afghanistan in 2003.  It's based on real people and actual events.

The comedy in this movie isn't set up/punchline humor.  It's naturally occurring humor, and if you go into the movie expecting that, you will like this movie.  If you expect slapstick, laugh-track-worthy jokes, you will be disappointed.

My first words to The Husband as the closing credits started to roll were, "I think this movie was too smart for me."  It could be that it was a little too true for me.
You see, I felt a special bond with Tina Fey's character.  Throughout the movie, I asked myself, "If The Husband didn't exist, and I was this 40+ year old broadcast journalist, what would I do?  In a parallel universe, this could have been me."
This may be why I liked this movie as much as I did.
But The Husband liked it, too.  In fact, he laughed much more often than I did.

I am pretty sure this movie spoke to Ms. Fey in a very special way because the dedication at the end was to someone whose last name was Fey.

To me, the true mark of a good movie is that it makes me want to read the book that it's based on.
First thing I did when we got home from the theater was put myself on my library's waiting list for this book.

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Two Word Movie Review - Deadpool

Here are your two words:

"Killed It"

Your two words come from:
A) an excellent translation from comic book to big screen
B) all the murder/death/kills in this movie, and
C) finding an unconventional way to kill cancer

Special note to Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan:  *This* is what a funny cancer movie is supposed to look like.

For those unfamiliar, Deadpool is a Marvel comic character.  This domestic mercenary is diagnosed with late stage cancer; with nothing to lose, he tries an untested, unconventional method of cancer treatment.  The result is a body that heals everything; however, the results do not heal the sarcastic, mercenary tendencies of our hero.

Here's the trailer:


This is not your daddy's super hero.
This is your teen-aged son's super hero.

Head's up:
Because of the (obvious and not completely necessary) X-Men cross-over, it's helpful to have some awareness of the Marvel comic book universe to fully appreciate how some of the characters are related to this story.

Every male's inner 12-year-old will love this movie. There's action, there's sarcastic humor, and there's boobies.

The humor is juvenile, but it is very clever.
But just because the humor appeals to an inner child, this does not mean you should bring your child.
It's not the kind of movie you want to watch with your parents, either.

This movie is rated R. 
There's violence, spattering blood and other body pieces.  There are lots of sex jokes.  There's one amusing, year-long sex scene.  And yeah, there are naked boobies and butts.

Heh, heh.  Naked Ryan Reynolds butt.

Oh. Yeah.

The opening credits alone give you a good idea of type of attitude and funny you're in for.
And because it's a Marvel property, there's a Stan Lee cameo and a bonus funny after the closing credits to watch for.

The Husband and I liked this one a lot.
We can't wait for Elder Son to see it, so we can all compare notes.

***

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Two-Word Movie Review - Spectre

Here are your two words:

Bad Blood

These two words come partly from the high-tech tracking device used to monitor .007's activities, partly from the unique relationship between James and this episode's nemesis, and partly from my disappointment in this James Bond offering after having been so dazzled by Skyfall.

Let me stop here and point out that until Skyfall, I was not a James Bond fan.  I could take these movies or leave them.  But Skyfall was good, and I had been waiting for its follow-up since Skyfall's closing credits.

Let me also say that Spectre is a perfectly good James Bond movie. Action, adventure, things blow up... but...

Spectre is no Skyfall.

The opening sequence was promising (and was that one long, impressive, un-cut camera shot?  I think it might have been).  But my faith in finding a satisfying spy experience was rattled with the opening credits theme song that did not sound like a James Bond-worthy theme.  No disrespect to Sam Smith's fine performance; it was a good piece of music, but it wasn't that mysterious, haunting kind of James Bond theme that I have come to associate with this long-standing franchise.

After that, I was kind of lost.
For one, I was confused why the new M, after having acted as someone who'd be willing to bend the rules a little at the end of Skyfall, was being such a rule enforcer at the beginning of Spectre.
Dude, I thought you were gonna be cool.  What happened?

But most disappointing, I found the plot difficult to follow. This could be just me, though.  Someone else might be able to keep track of all the names and connections better than I can.  The three extra steps to get to the end game might have been more obvious to someone else.  I prefer my movies to be more served up to me rather than needing to be puzzled apart.
This seems to be a classic James Bond thing, though.  We are supposed to be lead down the same path of discovery as the spies.  I have always felt that they try to cram way too many paths into one movie.  This might be why I'd never been a fan of the franchise.
I just couldn't see the connections.  Who is that?  Why is he going there?  Wait, why did everyone want that guy dead; seems like all they really wanted was his information.

Oh.  They try to build on Bond's childhood, but they do it wrong.  What they did in Skyfall worked; what they do in Spectre seems really forced.
In Skyfall, they showed you things and let you *feel* them.  Remember the game keeper at Skyfall?  You liked him, right?  You felt the fondness between him and Bond even though nothing in the dialogue spelled it out for you.
In Spectre, they *tell* you things. What should have been a moment of discovery was more like sitting through a university lecture.

And the bad guy just didn't scare me, didn't make me feel uncomfortable.  The threat to international security was explained a bit, but not illustrated at length.  Plus, it's too expected that Bond will escape each troubling situation in which he finds himself.  I was never sitting on the edge of my seat wondering if/how the good guys will win.  It was just... expected.

If you are a James Bond fan, Spectre is as good as any James Bond movie... maybe better than most.  This one has everything you look for in a James Bond flick, including hints about the next installment.

It simply was not the follow-up to Skyfall that I expected.

***

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2-Word Movie Review - Jurassic World

Here are your two words:

"More Teeth"

I am aware that there were two follow-up movies the the original movie based on the Michael Crichton books, but THIS movie is the true sequel to Jurassic Park.

If you liked the original Jurassic Park and wish you could watch it again without knowing how it ends, you should go see Jurassic World.

This is classic Steven Spielberg cinema.
The things you liked about the original are also in this movie:
 - amazing, unpredictable, dangerous animals
 - unexpected heroes
 - a decent plot
 - characters you want to see get eaten

Compared to Jurassic World, Jurassic Park II and III are just random dinosaur movies.  In those movies, you could easily swap out the dinosaurs for any other wild animal, frankly.
In Jurassic World, we go back to the original scary creatures: greed and government.  Like the original Park, the dinosaurs in World are as much innocent victims as the young kids who get trapped in the entertainment park's vehicle designed with their safety in mind.

This movie is available in 2D and 3D.  I went to the 2D version.
The cinematography was wonderful.
I allowed myself to get so sucked into this movie that I grabbed The Husband's arm for a good long portion of the show.  And by the time we were in the car looking left and right for traffic, I fully expected to see a dinosaur somewhere.

I did.
I'm confident enough in myself to admit this.

To be fair, a co-worker of mine thought Jurassic World was cheesy.
Come on.
Dinosaurs.
What did you really expect?
And sure, when the young kids wander off the beaten path, oh gee, what could possibly go wrong?
Yes, there are several predictable plot points, however, there are a few surprises as well.  

I'm also going to throw the band wagon at you. Everyone is seeing World. The Husband and I went to the 2D Monday matinee, and the theater was still half full.
On a work day.
During office hours.

I liked this one a LOT.
I would recommend seeing it in the theater with people. Fun.

Two Word Movie Review - Kingsmen: The Secret Service

Here are your two words:

Jolly good!

Kingsman: The Secret Service is a movie about a British down-on-his-luck teen who is destined for secret super spy greatness... but doesn't know it yet.

The premise is parallel to that of Jupiter Ascending, except Kingsman does everything right where Jupiter did everything wrong.

It's a big screen movie.  If you can catch it in the theater, do it.
During the spectacular visuals of the opening credits that promised more eye candy to come, I leaned over to The Husband and whispered, "I like this movie already," and he replied, "Me, too!"
During the opening credits, you guys.

We've already agreed we'll be buying the DVD.

I enjoyed everything about this movie except the distracting lisp of Samuel L. Jackson's character.


People have made snide remarks that Kingsmen is a rip-off of James Bond movies... as if it's a bad thing to be like James Bond movies.  But it's not like .007 is the only franchise that has ever used spies, secret service, and really cool weapons.  Mission Impossible, anyone? Danger Man, anyone?  Can't really hold that argument against these guys.

On the down side, there is hero's luck, which I usually scoff at. There's lots of hero's luck. (Really, who can be shot at that many times and not take one hit? Elder Son related it to the shooting accuracy of Storm Troopers).
But it's all forgivable, because they do it up right.  It's a good movie.

There were a few parts that actually surprised me and one beautifully orchestrated musical piece that made me laugh out loud.
And that was refreshing.

This is a good one.  You should go see it.

 ***

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Two Word Movie Review - "Jupiter Ascending"

Here are your two words:

Space Junk

This movie was so disappointing that I debated wasting any time writing a review on it.  I had this mental debate during the movie.
Which is sad because this story had so much potential... and the power of two big stars, Mila Kunis and Channing Tate-yum.

Imagine Harry Potter, instead of being an awkward 11-year-old orphan, is a beautiful 20-something female immigrant named Jupiter.  She is cleaning toilets when she finds out she is (not a wizard, but) an intergalactic princess whose siblings are fighting over whether or not she should remain alive to share their dead mother's inheritance.
This could be good, right?

It could have been.
It should have been.

The Husband and I discussed it afterwards and decided that what was missing were the plot points that would have made us care about the characters, such as: 
- Please spend more time telling me about the relationship between the two military buddies and why they might be motivated to protect this princess.
- Jupiter's story about her failed love life could have been better illustrated by showing some bad relationship scenes instead of stuffing the information into a too-long, breathy, sexy (is that what it was supposed to be?) monologue.
- The dynamic between the three royal siblings is briefly shown to us on a strange planet that means nothing to us after an event that is teased in front of us but not fully explained. They speak in such a way that it's hard to understand what they're talking about.

Yeah, I get that they were hiding key information in order to surprise us with it later, but they do it wrong.  Clues are revealed clumsily and too slowly.  You figure out what's going on long before Jupiter does, and it pisses you off how thick she appears to be.
No one in the theater is surprised by anything.

This movie suffers from the Hollywood mindset of "more action and effects are greater than character development". 
They could have left in more scenes where we get to know the characters and taken out more chase and fight scenes.

Speaking of the chase and fight scenes, they sucked.
Most of the action happened so close to the camera that it was difficult to SEE what was going on.  (The Transformer movies do the same thing, and it's terribly annoying to me.)  "Hm, something just flashed past the screen; was that the hero or a bad guy?  I don't know, and I no longer care."
Most of the action scenes were a waste of my time. So you can understand how disappointing it is that they decided to leave the action in and edit out all the parts I could have cared about.

Oh, that's right.  It's available to watch in 3D.
That's why they kept all the action crap.

The trailer leads us to believe the story is about the hero soldier; however, the movie itself is all about the girl whose only redeeming trait, aside from bees worshiping her, is her devotion to her Earth family.
And they screw that up too by showing us only a family that is selfish and mean.  There is no affection whatsoever between the family members.  We are simply supposed to assume it's there... buried deep under the desperate need for money at almost any cost.  I don't like her family; I'm not sure we're supposed to.  It's very confusing and frustrating.

Don't bother with this movie.

If you're still curious about it and simply must see it, borrow it for free from your library when the DVD when it comes out.

***

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Two Word DVD Review - Guardians of the Galaxy

Here are your two words:

Eighty Percent

(I'll explain those later.)

The Husband and I purchased our DVD copy of Guardians of the Galaxy on New Year's Eve.  We wanted something special to watch at home (knowing we'd fall asleep long before the ball dropped in Times Square).
We had seen Guardians of the Galaxy in the theaters and remembered liking it a LOT; so, we splurged paid the full $19.99 price for the DVD.

Full price!
As cheap as we are, we must have liked it MORE than just "a lot" in the theater.

I think I liked the DVD at home about 80% as much.
And I say this in part because during the exciting prison break scene, The Husband asked me, "Are you going to do this through the rest of the movie?"
He was referring to my running criticism of everything wrong with the movie.  I hadn't even realized I was doing it.

"Why does he even care about those two guys?"
"Why didn't she just take the first guard's arm band?"

Silly, nickpicky stuff.
For the sake of my marriage, I kept my thoughts to myself for the rest of the movie.  However, Elder Son walked in toward the end and started his own vocal observations.
That was kinda funny.  For me.

It's not as if I wasn't enjoying the movie, but I think the flaws were a little more obvious on the small screen in a livingroom than in a theater with surround sound.

Still, the story is told beautifully.
Five people who have every reason to distrust and repel each other come together seamlessly and flawlessly.  It's a delight to watch this comradery unfold.
It is like lining up dominoes one by one, so when they finally all topple down together you can't imagine any other outcome that could have happened.  "Of course it would have happened that way!" you would realize.

After the initial opening sequence which makes me wince and tear up just thinking about it, Chris Pratt's character is amusing throughout the movie.  You might think of him as a kinder, gentler Malcolm Reynolds.

The reason my two words are "Eighty percent" is what the DVD lacks.... extras.

Number one reason I buy a DVD is to be able to watch it at home as many times as I want.
Number two reason, extras.

You would think there would be some mighty fine outtakes in an action/comedy film, but there aren't in this one.  Not one blooper or behind the scenes silliness.
Documentaries, making-of videos?  None.
Deleted scenes, maybe?  Eh, there's one, and it's lame.
(The two words come from that deleted scene where Gamora states she's "80% sure" Rocket's laughter is fake.)

No, the only extras you get are movie trailers.
I don't count those as extras.  As much as I love trailers, I count them as very entertaining commercials.  And these ones are all shown at the beginning of the DVD.  So you don't even get different trailers as extras.

Were they in a big hurry to get this DVD on shelves?
Is a better one coming out later?
This version gets an 80% from me.

The movie gets a 100%.
Because I'm thinking I kinda wanna watch it again right now.

***

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Two Word Movie Review - Mockingjay Part 1

Here are your two words:

Smoldering Embers

In the interest of full disclosure, I wasn't feeling great when I caught the early matinee with The Husband today.  I was kinda tired.  And if we'd been planning to go to any other movie, I would have chosen to stay home.  That's how great I wasn't feeling.
But I'd been looking forward to The MockingJay, so we went.

Also, you should know that I've read the trilogy, and I know how it ends.

And I probably should mention that the third book was my least favorite of the three.

These three things probably play into how I felt pretty blah about a movie I'd been looking forward to seeing.
As The Husband and I left the theater, I said, "All the really good stuff was in the trailers."
Yeah.  It kinda was.

But again, this is from someone who has read the books and knew at every turn what was coming next.
(There was one scene where I leaned over to The Husband and whispered Katniss' next line, word for word, a split second before she said it on the screen.  "Was that in the book?" he whispered back.  I replied, "I don't know.")

When LionsGate announced they were splitting the third Hunger Games book into two movies, a friend of mine predicted where the book would be split.
He was right.
So, even that part wasn't a real surprise for me.

At least twice during the show, I thought to myself, "Geez, this movie is long."
That's never a good thing.

That all being said, the movie was every bit as good as the book.
Considering most of Katniss' angst throughout the series is expressed internally, the scriptwriters and Jennifer Lawrence do a beautiful job of letting us know what Katniss is thinking and feeling.  That's a real trick, and I think they pulled it off spectacularly.

I think if you have not read the books, you will find this movie intriguing.  You may get much more out of it than I did.  It may surprise you more... especially if you didn't spend the last few months watching every movie trailer and clip posted on YouTube.

One more thing...
You need to have seen the previous movies or have read the first two books to understand anything in The Mockingjay Part One.  There is no review.  No one explains to you why Katniss starts out in a hospital. You get no background story at all.
(But here's a quick 3 minute review you can watch ahead of time.)

I think the fourth movie will offer more excitement than this one does.
This one introduces District 13 and sets us up for Part Two.

So, "smoldering embers" it is from me on this one.
Once those embers ignite, then it'll get hot.

***

P.S. On the way home from the movie, the subject of Katniss' love life came up.  I imagined outloud the exchange between Gail and Katniss after the first (technically the 74th) Hunger Games.

Gail:  Geez, Katniss.  I saw you kissing another guy on TV!
Katniss:  Yeah?  How about seeing 22 other kids trying to kill me?  Didn't that bother you just a little?

2-Word Movie Review - Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Here are your two words:

Routine Maneuvers

(Please skip ahead to the *** if you wish to avoid the following hating-on-children-in-theaters rant)

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit that my enjoyment of this movie was hampered by three morons who thought it was acceptable to bring their 5-year-old children to this PG-13 production.
What. The. What.
The previews that were shown before the movie should have been scary enough to warn those parents that this was not going to be a family-friendly romp in the primary colored playground.  Everything in the previews was dark and violent.
But no.  No one reviewed their judgement.  No one took their kids to a more appropriate movie.
So the entire theater was blessed with frequent bursts of "Is he okay?" and "What happened?" followed by very loud "SHHHH! Be quiet!" throughout the show.
"But," I imagined the parents thinking, "there's no gratuitous sex or splattering blood, so this is okay."
Mm hm.  Let's ignore the numerous blunt force head trauma injuries and gun to the head murders.  Yes, murders.  LOTS of people get killed in this movie.  Let's take the little ones and show them how normal assault and murder is... especially when the good guys do it.  Quickly.  Repeatedly.  And without remorse.

I hate you people.
Your stupidity offends me.

But, I digress...

***

Plenty of spoilers ahead.  Plenty.

Your two words come from the feeling that I've seen this movie before.  They spend a lot of time on fight scenes and blowing stuff up, and each one looked a lot like the last one.
"Oh no!  The good guy is on the floor near death!  Oh wait, no, he's up and stronger than before."  Yeah, that's never happened in a movie before.
And what's the deal with the Falcon?  Do we really need to introduce a new flying character?  Doesn't Iron Man fly?
There were three Marvel characters in this movie and others were referenced to often enough that I forgot this was Captain America's movie and not an Avengers movie.

I've seen this, you guys.
I was bored with this movie.

So many times I've seen this, I knew what was coming so very long before it happened.
"Just rip his mask off and be shocked to see who it is, already."
"Yeah, yeah, they'll talk so long the bad/good guy will get away."
"I know Captain America is gonna win, so can we just get to the end of this scene?"

Oh, and what's the deal with the shaking camera effect?
They're sitting in an apartment having a conversation.  Why do we need to shake that like it's a scene from The Blair Witch Project?
What. The. What.

 That being said, if an action-packed, blow 'em up movie is what you're in the mood for, by all means, go.  This is exactly what you're looking for.
Plus, it ends with the promise of a sequel that will have more.
Of the same.
Again.

But don't take your kids.
I might have to hurt you.

Two Word Movie Review - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Here are your two words:

"Sweet Life"

I liked this Ben Stiller movie before I saw it. Its previews captured me.
While The Husband would have chosen something else to watch, I promised him that with the fantasies Walter would have, certainly something would blow up sometime during the movie.
We were not disappointed.

I liked the story. I liked Walter, a Negative Asset Manager at soon-to-be out-dated Life Magazine. You've met Walter in real life. In fact, I'm pretty sure we've each *been* Walter at one point or another.  And by the end of this movie, you just might wish you *were* Walter Mitty.

(SPOILER ALERT...)
Here's the problem, though: There is no surprise wake-up moment at the end where we find out he imagined it all.
I add this observation because I spent a great deal of the movie waiting for that moment, but it never happened.  I would have appreciated many of the scenes more if I hadn't been waiting to find out they weren't real.
That, and I would have liked to have seen more fantasy sequences.


(END SPOILERS)

Strong character development.
Believable acting.
Good plot.
Worth seeing on the big screen for the beautiful cinematography.

Two-Word Book Review: Dad Is Fat

Here are your two words:

Family Friendly (ha ha... because he devotes a whole chapter of his book talking about how he hates being labeled "family friendly")

The book "Dad Is Fat" by comedian Jim Gaffigan is not only funny because it's true (so frighteningly true), but it's also a better way to prepare for parenthood than getting a puppy.  For one, it's cheaper.  For two, you don't have to clean up after it.

Forget "if we can raise a puppy, we can raise a child" logic.
You should be thinking, "if we can finish this book and still want children, we should have children."
I've raised less than half the number of children Mr. G is raising, and after reading less than half of his book, I didn't want children anymore.

If you are considering having children, read this book.  You'll think it's funny because you think he's being funny.
If you have children, read this book.  You'll think it's funny because you know it's true and if you weren't laughing, you'd be crying.
If you will never have children, read this book.  You'll think it's hysterical because you are too smart to have gotten suckered into having children.

Mostly, read this book because Jim is raising five kids and he needs the income.

Two-Word Review: White House Down

Here are your two words:

Entertainment Capitol

“White House Down” is about the White House being taken over by terrorists at the same time our unwitting hero and his daughter are touring the building. Think “Die Hard” in the White House. Think that a lot.

If you are able to set aside the need for plausibility, you will enjoy “White House Down”. Otherwise, you will grouse “That would never happen,” so often that your date and other movie-goers around you may request your removal from the theater.
That being said, I complained all the way home that “That would never happen,” while following the same statement with “but it was a fun movie.”

White House Down is everything you expect from a feel-good summer action flick.
Stuff blows up.
There’s witty repartee.
There are strong characters that you want to cheer for.
And there’s the Brendon Frasier/Ashton Kutcher hybrid named Channing Tate-yum.

While Mr. Tate-yum manages to strip down to his white tank top, he unfortunately never removes it. In fact, he almost immediately puts accessories over top of it. Phooey.

But I digress…

This movie is guilty of one of my movie pet peeves: Hero’s Luck
This is when the bad element’s danger level, while shown to be deadly accurate at the beginning of a movie, varies depending on each movie character’s value.
You’ve seen this. Extras (which are equal to zero value) are picked off left and right with barely any effort by bullets or zombies or blobs or viruses. However, our hero (value equals infinity) will miraculously manage to escape harm, most likely injured but alive, and be able to eventually fight back.
Everyone else, poof, dead.
I detest this almost as much as I dislike time travel in movies.
Also, the bad guys talk too long before they pull the trigger and miss their opportunity to eliminate the protagonist more than once… or twice… possibly more than three times, I lost count.
As White House Down’s plot is so predictable, I am spoiling nothing by pointing this out to you.

As a big screen movie, White House Down is spectacular! Stuff happens to the White House that you’ve never seen before, and when it happens, you’ll wanna see it big.

Despite my criticism, I enjoyed this movie. It WAS fun. It WAS exciting. It was a good summer action flick. Expect no more than that, and you will be pleased.

P.S. I wonder how much Nike paid for its sweeeeeeet product placement.

Two Word Movie Review - Skyfall

Here are your two words:

Double "Oh!"

I wouldn't call myself a James Bond fan, but Skyfall is everything I look for in a James Bond movie.
Lots of action.
Fabulous cinematography.
Good plot.
Playfulness.
And so many scenes with a shirtless .007 that The Husband had to ask, "Does he even own a shirt?"

I enjoyed this ride.
I got the impression that everyone who made this movie had fun doing it.

When the credits rolled, I wished I could watch the next one right away.
That's saying something for someone who's not a James Bond fan.

Two Word Movie Review - Looper

Here are your two words:

About. Time.

As a rule, I hate time travel movies.
Mainly because they have too many rules to follow, they usually break one of those rules somewhere along the line, and then they try to cover it up by revealing a surprise rule at the end to excuse themselves from it.
I can usually punch a hole in a time travel movie from ten paces.

But, come on.
Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt?
I wanted to see this movie, time travel or not.

I'd heard Looper has a lot of rules, and in order to enjoy it, I'd need to pay close attention.
So, I did.
And I found "Looper" to be easier to follow than I expected.
Maybe that's because I paid such close attention.

And my two words come from thinking, "It's about time someone came up with a decent time travel movie."
And please, when Bruce Willis' character said he didn't want to get into a discussion over how the paradox of two people existing in the same time period affects each other's future because they'd end up wasting a lot of time and end up with a lot of straws layed out on the table, I nearly applauded.

I "got" this movie.
And I'd like to explain why it works, but I want to avoid spoilers.
There was a confusing part where a "loop" is revealed, and I wish editing had handled that better.  Perhaps explained what it was somewhere along the line.  But after sleeping on it, I got it.  And it works.

Pierce Gagnon as Cid (the kid) was brilliant!
You will see this young actor a lot in the future.  I wondered if he was actually a good four-year-old actor, or a really good actor who looked four years old.
Those eyes.
Brilliant.

Of course you realize that since I understood this time travel movie, it will make no sense at all to anyone else.

Two Word DVD Review - 50/50

Here are your two words:

Not funny.

Okay, it's a cancer movie.  Who expects it to BE funny, right?
Well, this movie "from the guys who brought you SUPERBAD" was marketed as a comedy. 

Let me read the cover to you...

"a laugh-out-loud comedy." - Graham Fuller, Vanity Fair

Furthermore, the synopsis on the back reads:
"Inspired by a true story, 50/50 is an honest yet hysterically funny account of a young man's journey toward healing."

Plus, in every interview, Seth Rogan talked about how they didn't want to write a sad cancer movie.  They wanted it to be funny.
Yeah?
Well, this was as funny as "Funny People" with Adam Sandler... which wasn't funny either.

Parts of it were funny.
But neither movie was anything close to a comedy.

Unless...
... your idea of comedy is throwing in a best buddy who does nothing but talk about getting laid and shaving his private parts. 
Oh.  What a hoot.

Seth Rogan's character is as funny as a steaming pile of dog poop.  Now, in the right context, dog poop can be pretty darned funny. 
But, it's still a steaming pile of poop.
In the first few minutes of the movie, Seth Rogan's character does the verbal equivalent of a dog squatting in your yard.  This is our introduction to the entire movie.  And if that's Seth Rogan's idea of comedy, then I've seen every Seth Rogan movie I'll ever need to see.

Maybe 50/50 is a dude's cancer comedy movie.
Let's go with that.

That being said, I enjoyed 50/50 very much.
I enjoyed it to the point that I got annoyed by my family members passing through my viewing area frequently to ask, "Did anything funny happen yet?"  (And the answer was always, "No.")
I really liked Joseph Gordon-Levitt. (I wish Heath Ledger was still alive so the two of them could play brothers someday.)  He had a stunned you-gotta-be-kidding-me look that spoke volumes. I imagined I also would wear exactly that expression throughout the same experiences.  I liked his character.

I thought of Lily a lot.

My favorite parts of the movie were the ones with Bryce Dallas Howard in them.  Mostly the parts where the Gordon-Levitt and Rogan characters told her off. 
Those parts were satisfying.  And, oddly enough, funny.

So, watch 50/50 if you want to see a good quality cancer movie.
But don't touch it if you want a comedy. 

Because it's not.
And I think that wouldn't have bothered me so much if they hadn't promised me it would be.

Two Word Movie Review - Deathly Hallows part 2

I have many thoughts on the final Harry Potter movie, but not enough time to do it justice.
Let's just say I liked it, want to see it again, and will probably buy the DVD... at full price.

As much as I loved it, I hope there is never another.
It would be wrong.
A "next generation" version could only be a short-lived cheesy TV series that got as much airtime as Neville's toad, Trevor.
I could almost (almost) convince myself that a full-length feature film of "The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore" might be intriguing as an insertion between Hallows parts 1 and 2... but fully unnecessary.

Be that as it may...

For your two-word review, I also don't have time to pick the proper two words, as there are so many appropriate ones.

Obviously, there's:  The End
But, that's too obvious.

Since so many characters and creatures were reunited for the battle scene at Hogwart's, your two words could be:  Class Reunion

Or, since a major focus of the final movie is the battle at the magical school, you might get:  Class Warfare

But, I offer you this last with a bow and a nod: 

Class.  Dismissed.

Two Word Movie Review - Source Code

Here are your two words:

Time-travel win.

The Husband and I both liked this movie so much that the day after seeing it, we kept saying, "I really liked that movie!"

Can I tell you, I hate time-travel movies. 
When poorly written, they cheat.  They lie.  And they break their own rules.
"Source Code" is not a true time-travel movie, but it kinda is.
So, I went into it prepared to be offended the moment it committed an offense.

It did not.
At least, not in my very skeptical eyes.
Maybe it's because I bonded with the Jake Gyllenhaal character too much to see any time-travel wrong-doings.  Maybe I liked the plot so much and wanted to see how it ended that I was willing to excuse any mis-steps.
Or, maybe they just got it right.

Best of all, they revealed things at just the same time I was asking the questions in my head.
I liked how this movie played out.

Stuff blows up.
You feel for Captain Stevens.
You want the good guy to win.  (And really, a character named Goodwin?  Win!)

Not only do I think this one is worth the theater ticket, I'd kinda like to go see it again.
Today.