Happy Little Lunch

This is my lunchbox.

Yes, I carry it to the office, and all of my coworkers can see it on my desk.

It is mine. I did not buy it for a little girl who decided she didn't want it. The Husband pointed it out at the store, and I had to have it. I bought it with every intention of using it myself and not sharing it with anyone.

I wanted a happy, fun lunchbox.

I'd never had a new one before. All my previous ones had been hand-me-downs from my older siblings when they were finally ready to part with them. Which usually meant the box was very well used, dented, and faded.

Or, they were the ones The Husband and I bought secondhand, shared, and replaced with other preowned ones as each one wore out.

My therapist tells me to be kind to myself and be the grownup I needed when I was a kid.

Kid me would've liked just one lunchbox that didn't pass through four other owners, one that had all its original parts, and one that was bright and pretty and fun.

And when I told The Husband I wanted to buy a new lunchbox, he didn't ask why or tell me the ones we have are good enough.

He just said, "Cool."

And then he found me one 😊

Past Roses At Work

Throughout my adult college experience, I depended on myself to take care of everything my future self needed. 

And I made a point to thank my past self every time the extra effort made things just a little easier down the road.

Well, Past Roses did it again!

Last week, she'd been sleeping well, and the pieces of a grand idea came together. She thought it through, did the research, documented everything, and saved it in a convenient place where I would certainly look for it this week.

So, today, I presented Past Roses' grand idea to four members of my department. I shared the concept, walked through each step of the research process so they could understand the value of the data I quoted from it, and explained why the concept would improve user experience and give the company more revenue opportunities. 

Everyone loved it. There were no notes. The grand idea will be implemented tomorrow. 

I felt so smart, you guys.

And it's all because Past Roses took the time to save and organize everything. There was not one "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it," moment. She knew to write it ALL down and put it where she knew I'd would find it.

Thank you for having my back, Past Roses. You are pretty awesome.

It's you. Hi.

I am working in the office today.

I am listening to a coworker express frustration with the way our supervisor communicates. 

It sounds familar. 

It sounds very much like the way our supervisor communicates with me. 

I am starting to think the problems I have with my supervisor are not me.

Hopefully soon I will start believing it.

Good Things This Weekend

1) I got a good night's sleep, went to church with no makeup on, and felt pretty and not less-than anyone.

2) Someone sitting near me at church was wearing a cologne that was lovely and not at all over powering. Very pleasant.

3) The Husband and I bought two tablecloths at a second-hand store. And we managed to remove four other tablecloths from our house in the process. One small step for decluttering 👍

Perchance, to run away

I thought to myself last Friday evening, if I didn't go to work on Monday and didn't respond to any digital communication, how many days it would take for anyone to realize I wasn't around.

As I was washing the dishes and silently considering this question, The Husband said, "I was just thinking how nice it would be to run away. Not take a vacation, just stop going to work and not telling anyone."

Sometimes, the way we think alike is scary.

How Things Are Going

I just tried to put reading glasses on while wearing prescription glasses, in case you wondered how things are going.

Job Listings

Recruiters be out there hawking their "fast paced environment" as if *that's* the golden ticket we're all holding out for instead of a living wage, decent health care coverage, and 401K.

Letting Go - The 4th of July Chapter

Normally, I feel responsible to let my adult sons when there's a local event happening that they might enjoy. When they were small, they depended on The Husband and me to provide transportation and permissions to such things. I also subscribe to media sources that promote these kinds of things, and I doubt my sons do. In this way, I feel like a good mom by keeping them informed so they don't miss out.

Top of the list of events we never want to miss is 4th of July community festivities.

As a young family, we went to the parade together, to the carnival together, and to the fireworks. All together.

When the boys were old enough and responsible enough, we let them go to the carnival with friends.

But always, they seemed to rely on me to tell them when things were happening and where to meet us.

This year, for the first time, for no real reason, I did not send either boy one single message about the parade, carnival, or fireworks. The Husband and I made our own plans to watch the parade with friends. We did not go to the carnival at all. And we walked down to the park to watch fireworks, we took only two chairs with us.

There was a large part of me that worried the boys had thought festivities weren't going to start until the weekend. I was afraid they'd reach out to me on Saturday asking what time the parade and fireworks were scheduled to start, when in fact they'd all been on Thursday. And they'd missed it. And they'd be sad. And I'd have been a bad mom for not reminding them as I usually do.

The Husband told me, and I told myself, that our children are adults. They've experienced the 4th of July in our town for 20+ years. They'd figure it out. And if they didn't, it wasn't our responsibility. 

But still.

I'm the mom. Feeling is what I do.

As it turned out, Younger Son texted me late Thursday afternoon to ask if we had bug spray. He and his girlfriend came by to spray down because they were going to meet friends at the park for the fireworks. Then, as The Husband and I stepped out of the house to walk to the park ourselves, Elder Son pulled up to our house with a carload of friends. They were also on their way to the park, and just wanted a good parking spot.

Both boys had watched the parade with friends. Both boys had made plans for carnival and fireworks.

And they hadn't need me to do any of it.

As I lay awake Thursday night listening to all the neighborhood combustibles, I sighed the relieved sigh of a contented mother.

My boys had taken care of themselves and had enjoyed all the parts of the holiday that I had known were important to them. I need to worry no more.

My job here is done.

I can let go of this feeling of responsibility. 

Letting Go - The Cinnamon Taffy Chapter

The Husband and I brought salt water taffy to a social gathering over the weekend. I picked out a pretty pink piece which turned out to be cherry flavored, and I enjoyed it very much. So, I picked out another pink candy expecting another cherry. But it was not.

"Aw! This one is cinnamon!" I moaned. "I don't even like cinnamon."

Immediately,  The Husband and two other friends said, "Then don't eat it."

"But, I already bit it."

The Husband said, "So what?" And then pointed out that the whole bag had cost two dollars. Each piece cost only a few cents. Besides, "What's the point of eating candy if you don't want to and won't like it?"

He and I are trying to break old, taught habits.  Habits that cause us to endure things we don't like simply because there's been an investment of time, effort, and/or money made. Habits that cause us to keep and store things we no longer want or need simply because "it's still perfectly good".

I threw away the cinnamon taffy. I felt guilty about it. For about five whole seconds.

Sleepus Interruptus

Things that wake me up way too early on mornings when I am allowed to sleep much longer:

1) Bladder

2) Cat

3) Summer sunshine when it's at just the wrong angle for a few days each year

4) Violent thunder

5) My own snoring