The One With the Play-Doh

Had a conversation with Elder Son this afternoon that evolved from Play-Doh into the anxiety I felt as a mother when the boys were young.

I told Elder Son that I regret things I said and did when I was anxious. 

"I don't remember any of that," he said.

He went on to tell me that he and Younger Son had had a similar conversation. They each felt bad for the way they used to treat each other. But neither one remembered anything the other had done, only the things they'd done themselves.

It was a lovely and forgiving conversation that started with Play-Doh.

The One with the Company Network

This shouldn't be a thing, but here's the thing...

My workplace is having network problems. We are able to access only in-house applications while on the company campus. Other things, like access to Google Analytics and other SEO tools that I use, are blocked. 

Conversely, I can access everything using my home internet accept for the company's proprietary apps.

So...

I can a few things at work, but everything else I have to do at home.

Fortunately, I can function nicely at home without the company's apps. There are only a handful of "aw crap, I can't do that right now" things that pop up. But, I can function.

This all means that for the past couple of weeks, I've been working exclusively from home. I went in Monday morning (yesterday) because my super said things had cleared up, but she was wrong. I struggled to find things I could do with just the company apps, and quickly ran out of work.

It was frustrating. And sad, frankly, because I *like* being in the office with my coworkers. Having no work to do meant I had to leave at 9am.

It all smacks of COVID. I feel alone and abandoned. I can't keep track of which day it is. I'm depressed. Nothing matters because no one knows or cares what I'm doing. 

Communication from our supervisor has been infrequent and unreliable.

The all-staff updates we get from corporate are useful but not inspiring.

 "We're working on it," they say. "There is a long list of things we need to fix. This is how far we've gotten so far. Please be patient."

The IT department has been working almost around the clock for weeks and weekends. They are tired.

And no one is saying a peep about what caused this. Very hush hush.

So many rumors. So little information. 

I am surviving by telling myself that this is only temporary. But, we thought COVID was going to be temporary.  So, I'm not feeling comforted by this hope.

I'll be okay.

I just don't like this.

Plus, the weather took a turn. We had a high of 88 degrees on Saturday and a high of 65 Sunday. Yesterday I got up early, did my hair and makeup, and drove into work only to turn around and drive back home an hour later. Today it's raining.

So, super moody as I type this.

Thanks for listening.

One Good Thing 9/4/2024

One:

I woke up before my alarm went off this morning. I got up, took care of a thing or two that was on my mind, then I went back to bed. When the alarm finally went off, I hit the snooze and enjoyed, with zero guilt, sleeping in because I had already taken care of sh!t.

Two:

The weather was pleasant today and did not try to kill me when I went outside.

Three:

While grocery shopping over the weekend, I lamented to The Husbamd how I'd really like to have fresh peaches, but it's always a crap shoot whether or not a seemingly good peach is actually rotten on the inside.

Today, this man brought me two peaches that he meticulously picked out himself. And they were delicious!

Group Work Texts

It is disappointing that my department director sends out a work request to everyone in the department when the particular ask is something only one of the group is responsible for.

It's as if the director has no idea what each of her reports do.

"Someone will take care of this. I don't know who. Nor do I care."

What?

I'd never been to this facility before. 

I followed all the directions given to me over the phone, but there was construction going on and detours around the building. I was pretty sure I was in the right place, but the sign over the desk said Lung Center instead of Sleep Study. 

So I asked.

"Is this the check in for the sleep study?"

And she said.

"What?"

There was construction, remember?

So I asked again a little louder. 

"Is This The Check In For The Sleep Study?"

And she said again a little louder.

"What?"

So, I asked once more, even louder and clearly annunciating.

"IS THIS. THE CHECK IN. FOR THE SLEE-PUH STUH-DEE?"

And she frowned. And turned away from me. And said quietly to her computer screen.

"Yes."

I took it as a well-you-didn't-have-to-shout reaction.

After she'd asked me TWICE. 

"What?"

I upset her. Now I feel bad.

What did *I* do wrong?

WHAT?

Beauty

Was just drifting off to sleep when The Husband did that sudden, loud snork thing he does when he sleeps on his back.

I jerked awake. He continued to sleep.

Was just drifting off to sleep again when The Husband did that sudden, loud snork thing. Again.

I jerked awake. He did not.

The third time it happened, I woke up enough to realize I had to pee. So, I got up, used the bathroom, and went back to bed determined not to be angry about it all, because if I let myself be angry then I'd never be able to fall back asleep.

Just as I'd started to relax, a damn phone notification vibrated. Then a second. It was Younger Son sending me funny photos of his cat.

::sigh::

So, of course, now I'm scrolling Facebook instead of sleeping.

I'm so damn tired.

Littlest Piggies

Considering how many times I have dislocated each of my pinkie toes, you would think I'd be more careful walking around the house barefoot.

But, you'd be wrong.

The Things You Say

I understand if you've gotta vent.

But, if you *only* say negative things about you life partner, you cannot be surprised when the people around you don't seem to like that person.

Wishes

Them: Wish you were here!

Me: Wish I'd been invited!

Happy Little Lunch

This is my lunchbox.

Yes, I carry it to the office, and all of my coworkers can see it on my desk.

It is mine. I did not buy it for a little girl who decided she didn't want it. The Husband pointed it out at the store, and I had to have it. I bought it with every intention of using it myself and not sharing it with anyone.

I wanted a happy, fun lunchbox.

I'd never had a new one before. All my previous ones had been hand-me-downs from my older siblings when they were finally ready to part with them. Which usually meant the box was very well used, dented, and faded.

Or, they were the ones The Husband and I bought secondhand, shared, and replaced with other preowned ones as each one wore out.

My therapist tells me to be kind to myself and be the grownup I needed when I was a kid.

Kid me would've liked just one lunchbox that didn't pass through four other owners, one that had all its original parts, and one that was bright and pretty and fun.

And when I told The Husband I wanted to buy a new lunchbox, he didn't ask why or tell me the ones we have are good enough.

He just said, "Cool."

And then he found me one 😊