Growing up, my parents hosted many family get-togethers at our house. Most of these gatherings were around Christmastime. As the youngest of the family, my main responsibility was to arrange cookies on a plate and serve them to our guests.
This is why, if I invite you to my house, chances are refreshments will be as elaborate as a plate of cookies, and no more.
If a gathering requires more, I will not host it.
This is also why, even though you've invited me to many of your gatherings, I have never invited you to mine.
Because I never have any.
It's not that I'm mooching off your parties. It's because I can't handle hosting one as good as yours. You know, a "good" one, like one that has food.
Although, I probably *could* manage a cookie-swapping party. Let me think about that one.
***
I had a friend who liked to talk smack about her in-laws. One of her favorite smack stories was the one about the awful state of one female relative's kitchen. At least one of the characteristics of the awful kitchen sounded a lot like one of the characteristics of my kitchen.
She probably really does have a female relative with an awful kitchen, but I always wondered if she wasn't really just trying to give me a hint without hurting my feelings.
You know, as in "this relative has ALL these awful kitchen issues, but you just have this one kitchen issue that you can fix easily enough."
This is why I stopped inviting that friend over. I wondered what else there was about my house that wasn't up to her standards.
***
I wanted to have a special 50th birthday party. I wanted to do something fun with a few friends.
For the reasons explained previously, I did not want to host this party at my house. I wanted to treat my friends to some nice food, something nicer than a plate of cookies, but I did not want to stress about coordinating such a tremendous feat. I also did not want to clean my house and my awful kitchen.
I just wanted to go somewhere, do something fun, eat some food, drink some beverage, then go home alone and judge-free to my messy house and awful kitchen.
I reserved a crafty activity at the neighborhood winery with snacks and beverages. Someone else coordinated the craft and supplies, someone else coordinated the food being served, and someone else cleaned.
Perfect! Just what I wanted for my special 50th birthday party. No stress, no mess.
I invited very few special friends. One of these special friends invited herself to spent the night at my house after the party. She had planned to drink many adult beverages and didn't want to drive home after the party.
Yes, I should have just told her no. But she hadn't asked. She just *did*.
This is why, for my special no stress, no mess 50th birthday party, I cleaned my house and awful kitchen and arranged both a supper and a breakfast for someone else.
This is also why I will not invite that special friend to any more parties.
***
The Husband and I wanted to celebrate our milestone wedding anniversary. For the reasons explained previously, we both agreed we did NOT want to host this celebration at our house.
We just wanted to spend some time with friends, family, and co-workers and feed them food and beverages. We did not want to stress about it in any way, shape or form.
We rented a venue, a very nice place with an outdoor balcony overlooking a garden. We wrote a check to reserve it.
We informed our closest friends, asked them to save the date. Most of them already had plans and regretfully declined.
This left family and co-workers. All of our family lived so far away that in order to come, we'd have to let them stay at our house. And clean it. Or ask them to stay in a hotel, which seemed rude.
This left co-workers. And it seemed really wrong to throw a nice party with a balcony overlooking a garden for a so few people.
So, The Husband and I started thinking about who *else* we could invite to fill out the place.
"We *have* to have at least 60 people! Who else? Who else?"
Geez, we could invite that friend who'll probably want to spend the night, so we'll have to clean.
And food. What should we serve? Which caterer should we hire? How can we order food if we don't know how many people can come?
And oh my god, we should have a slideshow! With wedding pictures! Which photos do you want to have on the slideshow? None of our wedding photos are digital, we'll have to get them transferred... What format does it have to be on for the hall to play them?
Finally we realized our delightful, carefree party was becoming everything we didn't want it to be.
So we canceled it.
Nope, no refunds.
This is why we spent several day's pay on a reception hall rental that we never used, and felt really good about it.
Here are your two words:
