He: What kind of bug is that? (points at dot crawling across the ceiling)
Me: A dead one.
He: (crushes bug) Huh. You were right.
Me: Yeah, it looked a lot like the other dead bugs I've seen in the past.
Elder Son is studying Visual Arts in college. His semester began yesterday. We had this exchange...
Me: What class did you have today?
He: Lighting
Today was his second day of the semester. We had this exchange...
Me: What class did you have today?
He: (something I didn't quite hear but almost thought I did)
Me: Did you say Darkening?
He: No, "Marketing".
Me: Oh! Well, yesterday was Lighting, so hey, today you could have had Darkening.
He actually laughed at that one.
Family game night.
Elder Son: I'd like to play either Uno or Sorry!
Me: I'd like to play SorryNotSorry.
Elder Son: That's pretty much what the game *is*, isn't it?
Me: It was a hashtag before there were hashtags.
The discussion was about social media apps, and I decided to be funny.
Me: I thought Tumblr was Tinder for people trying to find other people who love beverages.
He: You mean, like, a dating app for alcoholics?
Me: Yes.
He: I'd use it.
(To the tune of "The Sounds of Silence")
Hello Kitty my old friend.
You've come to bother me again.
Into my bedroom you come
creeping.
You always wake me when I am
sleeping.
"The food! in my cat dish is almost gone!"
::casual yawn::
Whiskers.
Meow.
Then silence.
Today's mail included a flyer from Jeep.
I handed the envelope to The Husband.
Me: Look. Your girlfriend sent you a letter.
He: The Jeep is not my girlfriend. It's my buddy.
Me: No. The Jeep is your girlfriend. You keep talking about taking its top off.
Ready, ladies? Here we go!
One - two - Sweater - on
Three - four - Sweater - off
Again!
One - two - Sweater - on
Three - four - Sweater - off
Feel the burn!
( The hot flash, that is.)
The bathroom sink leaks.
The Husband duct taped key pipe points to tide us over until he has time to do a proper fix over the weekend.
Until then, there's a bucket under the sink to catch water.
After brushing my teeth, I heard drips hitting what was starting to sound like a deep collection of water.
So I pulled out the bucket to empty it.
I dumped it... in the sink.
See. This is why it took me three years to complete my junior year of college.
The Husband was reviewing the progress of his plants on the seed-starting table when we had this exchange:
He: I need to thin my melons...
Me: That's... what *she* said?
He: ...or put them in a bigger container.
Me: THAT's what SHE said!
(Dialogue delivered rapid-fire over dinner.)
He: Been feeling pretty good lately.
Me: Do you think it's the vitamins you've been taking?
He: That, and the sun has been out.
Me: That *is* nice.
He: Yeah, the snow has melted and no one uncovered the body.
Me: "The" body. Just one? Must've been a slow winter.
***
(Dialogue delivered somewhat slurred after I followed The Husband into the basement.)
He: Are you drunk on half a glass of wine?
Me: I think I *am* a little tipsy. I didn't remember our house having a spiral staircase.
***
I feel like there should be a third humorous conversation here.
But sadly I don't have another.
Do you have one to add here? Post it in a comment!
The Husband and I had gotten separated, so I had to backtrack through the store to find him.
He: I'll probably sign up for the daily newspaper subscription again. I need it for work.
At the end of a Live Chat with online support, the tech typed to me, "Is there anything else you need?"
I typed back, "I need more chocolate."
She replied, "So do I!"
***
The Husband and I go into an actual physical bank to do business almost every weekend. Very often we'll withdraw money while we're there. Every time we do, the teller asks, "How would you like that?" meaning what denomination bills.
I always answer, "In chocolate, please."
And the response is ALWAYS, "Ha! I *wish*!"
We are discussing how long it'll take to self-clean the oven, and who will stay home to monitor the process.
He: I have a meeting this morning. Will you be home for the next 5 hours?
Me: Where would I go without you, babe?
He: Crazy?
Me: Well sure, but I can do that at home.
The two students sitting in front of me were concerned about the textbooks they had purchased for our class since:
A) their textbooks didn't look the same as the book on the instructor's desk, and
B) the professor's online class notes for the first chapter didn't match the content of the textbooks that the students had bought.
I knew one of the students from a class we had together last semester, so I tapped him on the shoulder.
Me: You have the right book. And no, the first couple of chapters don't match the notes.
He: Okay. If Roses says we're good, I'll follow what Roses says.
Me: I also like to jump off cliffs.
He: Okay, I'm not cool with that.
Because I woke from a dream about conspiracy theories that made it pretty clear my cat was in on something suspicious.
The Husband just announced, "We're having Chinese for dinner so we're hungry by tomorrow!"
Life happened, and I had forgotten to call in a prescription refill until the day I had taken the last pill in the bottle.
So, I'm at the pharmacy to pick up a handful of drugs to hold me over until my mail-order medication arrives. That's right. I am begging my pharmacist to "help me out" and give me "a fix" for just a few days.
It just so happens that I know the pharmacist well enough to know he's got a fabulous dry sense of humor, and he knows me well enough to know I'm as silly as a cartoon.
It's late, there's no one in the store aside from the pharmacist (He), his assistant (She), and me (Me).
He: You can take a seat while I fill this out for you.
Me: (leaning on the service counter) No. I'm gonna wait right here. AND I'm gonna make a scene.
The assistant laughs.
A few moments pass; no scene is made.
When my prescription is ready, the assistant rings it up and I give her money. The pharmacist invites me to the Consultation Area (designed for privacy so a customer can ask the pharmacist questions discreetly). Our entire very private conversation goes like this:
He: Here are your pills. There are ten in the bottle. Any questions?
Me: No.
He: Okay.
And he puts the bottle in a little bag and pushes it across the counter to me.
This is when the assistant calls to me. Apparently, we had skipped a step during the payment process.
She: Oh, Roses! Can I get your signature?
Me: (clutching the little pharmacy bag) No! I got what I came for! You get nothing! Mwah-ha-ha!
He: Okay. Now you're making a scene.
:-)
The Husband recruited Elder Son to help put up the storm windows this year.
Me: I feel better when there are two of you out there working with those heavy windows.
He: Only one of us can go up the ladder, you know.
Me: I know. It just makes me feel better that you have help.
He: Hey, the first ten years we lived here, I did it all by myself!
Me: Right. But first ten years we lived here, the guy who went up the ladder was 40-something.
Oh!
Yes, a good burn.
But I helped wash the windows because I felt so bad.
While the Husband and I were shopping at the natural foods store, he took special interest in the meat display. He picked up a package of something, showed it to me, and said something along the lines of, "Look at this."
A voice behind us said, "All the beef products are excellent!"
I turned to find a male employee behind the produce counter arranging fresh greens into small plastic cups for sampling.
When we made eye contact, the employee continued, "The chicken is really good, too."
The longer we stood by the meat display, the more the employee offered remarks about the high quality of the meat selection.
With a wink to the employee, I said to the Husband, "I don't know how much faith we should put in the opinion of the man making the tiny salads."
"These are good, too!"
:-)
