Friday, December 14, 2012

Tips to prep for a colonoscopy

Yup.  Really.
I'm giving colonoscopy tips.
Because I learned a few things this time around that I wish I'd known beforehand.

1)  First of all, you need a bathroom to call your own for about eight hours.
No kidding.  Because there ain't no way you're gonna be able to wait "just a second" for someone to finish their business.  You get a bathroom, and everyone stays out... even if you aren't using it "right now".  Period.

2)  You need stretchy waistband pants. 
Because when you gotta go, you can't be fumbling with buttons and zippers.

3)  Treat yourself to extra soft toilet paper.  Maybe even wet wipes.  Access to a shower head that you can take down off the shower wall and direct in specific places is also useful.
(Did I mention eight hours in the bathroom?  I did.  I'm not kidding.)

4)  Whoever drives you to your procedure needs to take notes. 
You will NOT remember anything the doctor tells you afterwards.  Even though you ask three times, and they tell you three times, you will not remember.  The drugs they give you will erase your memory about every 60 seconds... until it stops erasing your memory.  You need things written down for later when you are tucked into bed and your driver thinks you are doing fine and they leave... then you wake up not remembering the instructions you were given and you end up calling the doctor's office because you think no one thought to ask specific questions.  But they did.  You just don't remember.
(The Husband tells me I made jokes with everyone who entered the recovery room and that I had a long chat with the doctor.  I remember one nurse asking if I had been able to pass gas, but I remember no one else being in the room.  I remember asking where my shoes were. Twice. And I sat in a wheelchair at some point before getting into our car to go home.  I remember nothing about being told what I could eat or what I could expect from my body.  Nothing.  Some notes would have been nice.  In fact, if you wanna have some fun, have your driver give you a notepad to take your own notes... so you can totally freak later wondering why these words are in your handwriting but you don't remember writing them down.)

That's about it.
You are invited to share any useful tips you might have.

10 comments:

The Gray Monk said...

Can't offer any tips, I've been this same route and let's just say it ain't fun. Still, at least I got an all clear at the end of it - medically and, well, the other bit ...

Thumper said...

Vaseline. Lots and lots of Vaseline, and start smearing it on right from the get go. It will save you some misery...

Christie Critters said...

I didn't just want access to the bathroom for about 8 hours. I LIVED in the bathroom for 8 hours. Pillows, sleeping bag, laptop with netflix....I didn't chance anybody getting in there for "just a minute to pee" and blocking my toilet bowl access...
BTW Roses, I agree with everything that you listed in your post.

Bou said...

Wow. I will pass this on to my husband. He is overdue and is having one done in a couple months.

I had an upper GI series and the barium swallow did the same thing to my body. I could swear it was more than 8 hours. Maybe it just felt that way...

Mrs. Who said...

If you drink the magnesium citrate as part of your prep, read the label carefully. I followed my doctor's (limited) written instructions and downed the first nasty bottle in a few gulps. Then spent an hour barfing it up...while in the shower, since the other end was spewing as well from the earlier laxatives I was also directed to take. On the bottle's teeny-tiny directions, it says to take with 8 oz of liquid. The second bottle I ingested a few sips at a time, followed by a few sips of Sierra Mist. And when the doctor's office called me the next day to see how I was, I most certainly informed them that they needed to clarify their printed directions.

Andy said...

Dave Barry is one of my favorite writers. This is one of his best.

http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/v-fullstory/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html

Bou said...

Andy is right. You have to read that. We pass that article around the office every single time someone in our office has to go for a colonscopy. I think someone has the link saved to their desktop so they can just send it when someone walks in one day and says, "Ugh. I have to have a colonscopy..."

Roses said...

If you haven't had a colonoscopy in a while, you may be delighted to learn that you can choose to take pills now instead of the chalky liquid stuff. Granted, the pills are large, and there are a LOT of them, but that's the route I took, and I was pretty happy with it.

Roses said...

Btw, Andy and Bou?
My music was "Dream a Little Dream of Me". I asked my doctor if she was going to crank up the hard rock after I was out. She said yes.

Bou said...

The first time my Dad had a colonoscopy, he said to the nurse when he awoke, "I asked for a Bud Light, not a butt light..." I know he had that in his head before he went to sleep. I was stunned he remembered it when he awoke. ;-)