I'm giving colonoscopy tips.
Because I learned a few things this time around that I wish I'd known beforehand.
1) First of all, you need a bathroom to call your own for about eight hours.
No kidding. Because there ain't no way you're gonna be able to wait "just a second" for someone to finish their business. You get a bathroom, and everyone stays out... even if you aren't using it "right now". Period.
2) You need stretchy waistband pants.
Because when you gotta go, you can't be fumbling with buttons and zippers.
3) Treat yourself to extra soft toilet paper. Maybe even wet wipes. Access to a shower head that you can take down off the shower wall and direct in specific places is also useful.
(Did I mention eight hours in the bathroom? I did. I'm not kidding.)
4) Whoever drives you to your procedure needs to take notes.
You will NOT remember anything the doctor tells you afterwards. Even though you ask three times, and they tell you three times, you will not remember. The drugs they give you will erase your memory about every 60 seconds... until it stops erasing your memory. You need things written down for later when you are tucked into bed and your driver thinks you are doing fine and they leave... then you wake up not remembering the instructions you were given and you end up calling the doctor's office because you think no one thought to ask specific questions. But they did. You just don't remember.
(The Husband tells me I made jokes with everyone who entered the recovery room and that I had a long chat with the doctor. I remember one nurse asking if I had been able to pass gas, but I remember no one else being in the room. I remember asking where my shoes were. Twice. And I sat in a wheelchair at some point before getting into our car to go home. I remember nothing about being told what I could eat or what I could expect from my body. Nothing. Some notes would have been nice. In fact, if you wanna have some fun, have your driver give you a notepad to take your own notes... so you can totally freak later wondering why these words are in your handwriting but you don't remember writing them down.)
That's about it.
You are invited to share any useful tips you might have.
Friday, December 14, 2012