My Cat is a Jerk

I am used to the cat pawing at the bathroom door anytime I go in there with the door closed.

It is so expected that immediately after closing the door, I open it again and he's there, as if it's a well rehearsed magic trick.

The other morning, I made it through an entire shower without disruption. But as soon as I stepped onto the mat, he was scratching at the door. 

Before I tell you what happened when I opened that door, I must first point out that I had just stepped out of the shower.

And I need to remind non-cat owners that a cat, when given a choice, will always barf on carpeting. Always.

And my cat is a jerk. 

Okay, so I had just stepped out of the shower to jear the cat pawing at the door.  I had one hand on the doornob and the other hand clutching a towel around myself. 

I opened the door expecting a flash of fur to dart past my leg. 

Instead, I opened the door, the cat looked up at me, turned around and ralphed on the hallway carpet. 

He *could* have come into the bathroom (as he'd been begging to do), and he'd have barfed on perfectly good linoleum. 

But no.

Barf on the nice absorbant carpet, would you please?

Another note for the non-cat people:

Like the postman's knock, the cat always barfs twice.

So, okay, he didn't make into the bathroom (where he'd been begging to be) for the first round.  Surely he can do me the courtesy of placing the second round on the easy-to-clean linoleum. 

No.

I think I've mentioned that my cat is a jerk. 

He had to run down the hallway to the wide open living room where there's lots of open (read: visible) spots to stain the carpet. 

And I'm dripping wet in a towel. 

Towels don't hold themselves up, y'all.

Have you ever tried to pick up a cat with one hand?

And have you ever tried to pick up a cat with one hand while you're dripping wet?

I'm not sure my children had ever heard me swear a real swear word before that morning. 

I managed to wrestle the cat into the bathroom before he could barf a third time. 

But that's mostly because he didn't bother to barf a third time. 

Jerk.