Flatter bladder humor

(I'm attempting to type this with my iPhone as i'm not allowed to pick up my laptop yet. There may or may not be more funny when I have access to a larger view screen.)

Pre-Op Humor

As the nurse attched the hospital ID wristband to my arm, I asked, "So, this gets me access to *all* the rides?"
She thought for a moment and replied with a straight face, "Oh. I don't think you wanna ride all the rides we've got."

***
Someone made reference to Tuesday being Mardi Gras. I asked if I raised my gown, would I get beads.  I was half-hoping I'd wake up with a string of them around my neck, but I didn't.

***
They try to note a patient's mental capacity and they double check everything during pre-op, so they asked me the same questions over and over.  At one point, a nurse asked me to state aloud what I was in the hospital to have done. I spoke slowly and clearly, "I'm here to have my gall bladder removed."  As she made her notes, I spoke slowly and clearly again, "I'm here to pick up a winning lottery ticket."

No string of beads. No lottery ticket.
Lousy service at that place.

Operating Room Story
The OR nurse held my hand as the anesthetic kicked in. I told her thank you. She says she does it because she thinks it brings people comfort. I fell asleep before I got the chance to tell her my sister, Lily, used to do the same thing.
The nurse's name was Linda... which was Lily's middle name.  :-)


Post-Op Humor

Gotta be honest.  Not a lot of funny happened afterwards.  It seemed everyone was eager for me to go home, but all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep.
They:  "Do you want to put your pants on now?"
Me:  "No. Does this chair recline?"

***

I was amused to learn the hospital's barf buckets are just about the same size as a popular chicken fast food  bucket.  I can't speak about the sound qualities of the fast food chicken bucket, but the hospital barf bucket has great acoustic capabilities.
They let me take an empty one home.  I'm thinking I'd like to eat popcorn out of it someday.