How you'll know it's love

"How will I know he's The (with a capital T) One?"
"How will I know it's true love?"

You will know, my young friend, when the object of your affection has no butt.

Need explanation, you say?
Aaaallrighty, then...

A dear friend of mine had dated quite a few guys by the time I met her.
She dated quite a few guys during the time we lived in the same city.
And... she dated quite a few guys after I moved out of town and she moved out of state.

She loved each and every one of them.
She did.
She told me so.
But...

There was always something wrong with the guy.
"I love him, but..."

There was always something about the guy that negated the "I love him".

One day, as we spoke on the phone, she described the new guy who had just moved into the apartment across the hall from her, and I noticed something.
There was no disclaimer.

"So," I clarified, "He's just a nice guy?"
"Yeah."

Interesting.

Some time passed.
They began to date.
And, eventually, she grew to love him.

"You love him?"
"I love him."
"You just... love him?"
"Yeah."

She married that guy.
On their anniversary, I told her I knew that this guy was The (with a capital T) Guy long before she knew it.
Because he had no butt.

"Every guy you ever talked about had a but," I explained.  "You would always say, 'I love him, but...'  There was always something.  This guy was the only guy you never said 'but' after saying 'I love him'."
"Really?"
"Really."

So, dear reader, you will know it's love when the object of your affection has no butt.

Good luck.