Your momma

Elder Son is a laid-back guy. Unlike his mother, he can easily shrug off insults. Although jerks harass him in school, he insists there are no bullies and wonders what the big national anti-bullying deal is.

However, things changed the day some rather large kid loudly accused Elder Son of having "intimate relations" with animals.

"Oh yeah?" replied Elder Son. "Well, your mother had 'intimate relations' with an elephant, and she gave birth to you." After which, Elder Son immediately hurried away.
"Hey! Where are you going? What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid you'll sit on me!"

My boy.
I'm so proud!