Dear Dog Walker:

Please carry a plastic bag.

And use it.

The only place you are allowed to leave your doggie poo is on your own personal property.

The park is not your personal property.
The school playground is not your personal property.
And...
That little grassy space between my sidewalk and the curb is REALLY not your personal property.

These places are public property.
It is illegal to leave your poo there.

If you leave your poo in these places and I snap a picture (or even video now, with my nifty digital camera) of your dog laying it there, the police will reward you with a $100 fine.

If you live in an apartment and have no personal property to leave your doggie poo on, well, you better invest in plastic baggies.

This is not your room.


*******

Two boys walked their dog through my yard one day. I stuck my head out the door and asked them politely to please not let their dog wander through my yard.
"Someone has been letting their dog poop in the lawn, so I'd appreciate it if..."
"Oh! We don't let him do that."

The voices in my head said, You don't *let* him? How does that work? I don't see a cork in his butt.

Several days later, the same boys were being dragged around the block by their giant dog.
I watched as their dog wandered onto the neighbor's lawn and squatted.

THEN, I watched their version of "not letting" the dog do his duty:
They dragged him from the yard, dog half-squatting half-backpeddling.
Poo dotting a line across the grass.

So, instead of a pile of poo, the neighbors had a little trail marking the path of the dog.

I ran the boys down with a plastic bag and made them go back and clean it up.
"If anyone caught you leaving that," I told them, "your parents would get a ticket from the police."
You know, like I'm doing them a favor.

They didn't walk their dog by our house anymore after that.

******

Dear Dog Owner:

I just want you to know that I don't dislike dogs. Really, I don't.

However, I do have BIG issues with irresponsibility.

Surely you understand that it's not fair that I must pick up poo in my yard when I don't have a dog myself.

I am pleased to announce that I am much more tolerant of errant doggie poo today than I used to be.

Because I'm much more irritated by people who throw their still-lit cigarette butts on the ground.

Dog poo is less likely to destroy a forest.
Or burn down my house.

So, there's that.