Monday, July 13, 2015

My Dad Has Cancer

SO not the funny today, folks.  I'm sorry.

***

Dad's kidney cancer returned.
It is inoperable and incurable.

After trying a couple of treatments that were hoped to (but not promised to) stop the growth of the tumor, Dad decided the side effects were to much of a toll on his quality of life.

I called him this morning, and he told me himself that he will seek no further treatment and will "let nature take its course".

Doctors are guessing he has 6-12 months, but they really don't know anything.

My siblings have tried to be considerate with communication.  But we are all traveling a difficult path which makes kindness a challenge.
I used to assume that if I didn't hear from anyone, that meant everything was fine, there was nothing new to report.   Now I assume that when I don't hear anything, Dad is in the hospital and no one bothered to tell me.

So, I call my dad at least once a week just to make sure he's okay.

I am angry and sad.  And angry.
I don't sleep well.  I can't remember things. I wake up almost every morning angry with my siblings, and I'd like to say my anger is displaced onto them, but it's hard to reason with myself sometimes.
(One time is easier to forgive and forget than a lifetime of notations on a list.  Just saying.)

I only really posted this so I could remember when it was that I had this conversation with my dad.

3 comments:

gael mueller said...

I am sending you love and peace in every color I can think of. I had both parents succumb to cancer. My mother underwent treatment until she passed. It was horrible and gruesome. My dad chose hospice and while it was not easy it was better than my mother's process.
Give yourself room, if you can. Just know that you are in my thoughts every day.
Gael

Roses said...

Gael,
If we ever meet, I will hug you forever.
You've been warned.
~Roses

Karin Wellman said...

*hugs* It's good to get this down to remember, even if it hurts.

My great-grandfather (my last living great-grandparent) is in his final weeks after deciding not to treat his cancer anymore. I pulled out all the stops a couple weeks ago to go see him. I knew I had the choice of seeing him one more time alive or going to his funeral. I decided that any family who was mad at me for not going to the funeral can stuff it.

I hope that your father is able to find some relief from palliative care for all the time he has left. And I hope that anyone who would be willing to pull out all the stops to go to his funeral will instead choose to visit him now.