She: I need a new job.
Me: I'll keep an eye out for you.
She: I hate my job.
Me: What else would you like to do?
She: I don't know. Anything.
She: I've had job interviews, but everyone is being weird.
Me: Weird, how?
She: I don't know.
She: My office is going out of business and is closing its doors next week.
Me: Here's a job that just opened and the name of my friend who is in charge of hiring. I can put in a good word for you.
She: Actually, I was looking forward to not working and sleeping in for a while.
And that's how you never get a job.