Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Speaking of stupid boyfriends...

... which we weren't, but this forehead-smacking post by Richmond reminded me of a boyfriend story:

Must've been about 18 years old.
Still dating "Peter", still working at the grocery store.

Did I mention that Peter and I worked together at the store?
That's how we met.

Funny, I met the husband at our place of work...
And we still work together...
But I digress!

One of my classmates was a third-degree black belt... in some martial art. She taught classes in self-defense. She was only 18. The local TV station came and did a big "thing" about her.
I thought she was cool.
Anyway, she was sitting in Biology class one day telling all the girls self-defense tricks like how to carry your keys so you're ready to unlock your car, not between your fingers to punch someone because a guy could squeeze your hand and break your fingers. She also said to make sure all your car doors are locked when you drive because someone could jump in your car when you stop for a red light. (This almost happened to a friend of mine, but she did have her doors locked!) And this classmate said you should always look under your car before you approach it because a bad guy could hide under there and slash your ankles rendering you unable to run away while he climbed back out from under your car.

Scared me, let me tell you.

So, I made a habit out of carrying my keys just so, and locking my doors, and glancing under my car like a paranoid freak.

But late one night...

I was walking out of the grocery store alone.
Adjusting my keys, listening for approaching footsteps, glancing under my car...

Under my car.

Under my car was a glove.
A glove laying on the ground just under my car by the driver's side door.

Did I remember seeing it there when I'd parked?
Did I drive over it then?

And then I realized the glove under my car was attached to an arm!

There was someone under my car!

I froze several parking spaces away.
Far, far away from any slashing knives, but still, I was alone in the dark!

"Don't be scared!" a muffled voice said. "It's just me!"

The glove waved, the arm moved, and my boyfriend wriggled out from under my car.

"You idiot!" I spat.

"I know! I know, that was stupid! I'm sorry!" he groveled.

"You scared me!"

"I scared you? Once I realized how not funny it would be to grab your leg when you got close enough, I realized you were going to kick my ass!"

And I would have, too.


Lemon Stand said...

Well, I guess you could say that he had SOME of his brain cells still firing...

Richmond said...

Moreso than "Max" did anyway...

You should have kicked his ass just for being stupid, though. ;-)