Monday, February 12, 2024

This Is Not Your Room

A gentle reminder to spiders and ants,


You get to live in my house provided you stay in your designated areas. These areas include:
 - in the walls
 - behind major appliances 
 - under pieces of furniture where cat toys can't fit

I believe I have been generous in this agreement given that I also allow you residence in closets, the basement, and the garage provided you clear the area as soon as a human appears. And you're welcome to resume activites as soon as the human exits.

But listen, one of you hung around the cat litter box WAY longer than the agreed upon parameters stated above. I reminded said subject of our agreement and requested immediate compliance. When they refused to budge, we had words. Eventually, they crept around the corner with what was clearly attitude.

I'm giving you all this opportunity to review our agreement amongst your group. Please remember to include all newcomers as they may not be fully aware of all the rules.

I appreciate your attention to this matter and look forward to many more years of peaceful cohabitation. 

Friday, January 19, 2024

Hair

Someone on Facebook asked what kinds of non-food things people anxiously chewed on as a kid, and it triggered a fast, steep rabbit hole of rude awakening.

My answer to the question was, "My hair."
When I was a kid, I used to tug a lock of hair across my cheek, and chew/suck on it out of the corner of my mouth.
I didn't think anything of it at the time. Some kids chewed their fingernails; I chewed my hair. Tomato tomahto.

So tonight as I was thinking back on that habit, remembering the wet crunchy sensation of it, I wondered what got me to stop doing it.
And I'm pretty sure I stopped because my mom convinced me to get the latest new hairstyle called "the shag". It was the way some popular model wore her hair, wouldn't I like that? A popular model? Why wouldn't I want that? Sounds great! What a cool mom I have!
I'm certain, today, that Mom was just trying to get my hair short enough that it couldn't reach my mouth. 
It was an effective tactic. I remember the disappointment that first time I tried to tug a lock of hair and found it wouldn't reach my teeth.

It was an awful hair style for my face. I spent all of grade school and middle school being mistaken for a boy. In 4th grade, a girl from another school once cornered me, told me I was cute and that she wanted to be my girlfriend. When I told her *I* was a girl, she said, "No, you're not!" I had to find someone to confirm to her that I was not a boy.

Effing awful haircut.
Effing messed with my confidence and self esteem during the most awkward decade of my life.
And why?
Because I had a harmless coping mechanism that wasn't socially acceptable. 

As my breasts developed, it became even worse because people couldn't process seeing a boy head on a girl body. Adults asked me to my face if I was a boy or a girl. Or, they'd ask my friends right there in front of me, because they thought it would be rude to ask me. Standing right there. Adults would.

After high school, I followed a 20-year pattern of growing my hair out and suddenly cutting it short. Each time I cut it, I hated it, and I swore I would never do it again. 
But I did.
The last time it happened I was in my 40's. My boss at the radio station where I worked was not a good manager, and that translated into a poor work environment for me. While venting to The Husband about how frustrated I felt, I pointed at my recently trimmed head and cried, "Just LOOK what it made me do to myself!"

And that really was the last time, because ^that statement right ^there helped me realize something.
Each radical haircut was coordinated with a stressful life event. Things like the end of a relationship, a new college semester, or changing jobs.

The pattern is so obvious now: 
Experience stress, cut my hair.
Experience stress, cut my hair.
Experience stress, cut my hair.
 
Changing my hairstyle was something I felt I had control over when I didn't have control over other things.

And today, after thinking about what non-food thing I chewed on as a child, I now see where this pattern started:
As a child, I'd experience stress, and when I'd self-comfort with a little hair chewing, I'd suddenly have to get my hair cut short.

Unwittingly, stress events came to equal, "Hey, it's about time for a fresh, new, short hair style, dontcha think?" 

I don't blame Mom. She didn't know this is how things would develop. She wasn't being malicious or mean; she was being a mother who did her best with the training she had, which every parent knows is no training at all.

This all has gotten me spiraling, dwelling on how the self-comforting thumb sucking and self-comforting security blanket were taken from me, too. 
Dammit, parents. A child's coping mechanism isn't the problem you need to solve. ๐Ÿ˜”

***

Btw, you guys, I started seeing a therapist a few months ago.

Thursday, January 18, 2024

Towels

Elder Son came over to do his laundry. He had two loads worth.

He: I'll be done soon. The second load is done washing. I'm just waiting for the first load to dry.
Me: Your second load has the towels?
He: Yeah.
Me: Towels are thicker. They're gonna take longer to dry than the first load.
He: But. They're towels. They're supposedto *do* the drying.

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Kindness of Strangers

Spoiler: *We* are the strangers
 
It is cold today. The high temp is expected to be -1C, and there's a -27 wind chill. The Husband reluctantly left the house to fill his car with gas. Before he left, he layered up with thermal undergarments and extra headwear.
He dressed this way to DRIVE somewhere.
 
It. Is. Cold.
 
So, you understand how odd it must have been when later I saw a man standing on the sidewalk across the street from our house. The sight of anyone being outside at all today caught my attention. He was consulting his cell phone with bare hands that must have been freezing painfully every second. A sled rested at his feet.
After a bit, he put some heavy duty gloves on, picked up the sled, and moved along. He stopped again at the corner and consulted his phone again.
I called The Husband to the window.
"What do you suppose is happening here? Is he lost? Do you think he's trying to meet up with someone? Is he looking for the sledding hill? It's really cold out. I wanna ask him if he needs help, but I don't know if he needs any."
We watched him as he continued up the street and disappeared from view. And then we kept watching. It wasn't long before his head came bobbing back. Yeah, he was lost.
"Do you mind if I holler out the door to ask if he wants help?" I asked The Husband.
"Please do. If he *is* looking for the sledding hill, I'll give him a ride."
 
And without even waiting to find out what the guy's story was, The Husband went to put on his coat and boots.
 
Through a short shouted exchange from our porch, I found out the young man was, indeed, looking for the sledding hill, and yes, he would gladly accept a ride.
I watched from the window as The Husband greeted the man in our driveway, and they both climbed into our car and drove off.

When he came back, The Husband told me the young man was new to town, had moved in 5 months ago.  He was just bored and thought he'd go sledding. Google had told the hill was just a mile from his apartment, why not walk? He'd turned at the wrong corner and ended up on our street. He wasn't cold at all, he'd dressed properly.
 
But dang, y'all.
How fast did my wonderful man jump up and volunteer to help out a stranger out in the cold?
That's top notch, first class humanity. Every day I find even more reasons to love him more.

Dad Would've Liked This Cat

Dear Dad,


You'd be happy to know that Cat 3.0 sticks his head into my bedroom at 8am every weekend and shouts at me, "You gonna sleep all day?"

Love you and miss you,
~Roses

Sunday, January 07, 2024

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

The Husband and I are trying to figure out how best to position our full-length oval mirror.

The Husband holds the mirror up against the wall next to the closet.
"We could put it here," he says, "so it's convenient for getting dressed."
I say, "That's perfect."
Then he turns it sideways. "And if you gain weight, we can do this." ๐Ÿ˜‰
I say, "Sure, but WHERE WOULD YOU SLEEP?" ๐Ÿคจ

Wednesday, January 03, 2024

Closed

The Husband and I went out for breakfast the day after Christmas. We debated whether to walk to our favorite place or drive there, then decided to drive just to save time. 


The restaurant was closed, not because it was the day after Christmas, but because it's always closed on Tuesdays. We had forgotten.
And we were grateful we had taken a car rather than walk all the way there only to be disappointed. 

We drove to another diner in town, ate our meal, then headed for home. On the way, we passed our favorite second hand store, but it wasn't open yet. It was too early to go in.

"So," I said to The Husband, "is there anywhere else you wanna go so we can find out it's closed?"

๐Ÿคท‍♀️

Tuesday, December 26, 2023

Stop Chastising Yourself Today

A conversation between The Husband and a co-worker turned to the subject of sobriety. The Husband jokingly reminisced about "the good old days" before there were drunk driving laws and Uber. He remarked how simple it was for him and his buddies just to hop in the car after a night at the bar.

The co-worker was not amused. "You mean to tell me you drove drunk? Don't you realize that rant rant rant..."
 
The Husband let the co-worker have his say. For a bit. But there came a point where it was enough.
The Husband held up his hand. "Are you seriously going to chastise me today for something I stopped doing 40 years ago?"

Stop for a moment, and read that question again.

I think it is brilliant. 
It is a simple question that ends an emotionally triggered spiral.

This is the question I ponder as I sit awake in the middle of the night overthinking and regretting things I've done. 
Why do I insist on chastising myself for things I stopped doing long ago?

Perhaps it's time I cut myself some slack, huh?

Thursday, December 14, 2023

All You Need To Know

Company party was last night. Fancy wine bar. The large front windows were decorated with flat plastic Christmas ornaments hanging from suction cups. The hostess ushered us past the window to the banquet area, and I covertly reached over and poked one ornament into a gentle sway. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my direct supervisor right behind me had clearly seen what I'd done.

Over my shoulder I whispered to her, "And that's pretty much all you need to know about me."
She replied, "Perfect. I love it."

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Dress Up

Company party is tomorrow.

Coworker: Let's all dress to the nines!
Me:  Best I can do is four and a half, maybe five.