Thursday, July 02, 2015

My Good Side

I hadn't slept well all week, and I realized a little too late that I was giving my co-worker a bit of a hard time when he was only trying to cheer me up.

In mock frustration, he finally said, "Gee, Roses, I'm just trying to stay on your good side."
I smirked at him. "Good luck trying to find one."

Monday, June 29, 2015

Gender neutral babies

My co-worker and his wife are huge Renaissance fans. How huge?  She crocheted him a troll battle helmet.
She is also pregnant.

Me:  Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?

She:  We hope it's a dragon!

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Second Hand Luck

Me:  I stopped at the second hand store to see if they had any of those containers we talked about.

He:  Did you have any luck?

Me:  Define "luck".

He:  Did you come home without buying any yarn?

Me:  No.  No luck.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

The Life Long Phases of Getting Carded

When I was younger, I didn't mind getting carded when buying alcohol. It mean I looked young.


As I grew older, I began to tease clerks that they need to check my ID because surely I looked far too young to be 21. 

Over the weekend, I realized I've entered a new phase of being carded.
I demand clerks check my AARP spouse card because surely I look far too young to be eligible for old people benefits. 
"Don't you want to see my card?"
"No, I don't need to."
"Yes, you DO!"

Dammit. 

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

2-Word Movie Review - Jurassic World

Here are your two words:

"More Teeth"

I am aware that there were two follow-up movies the the original movie based on the Michael Crichton books, but THIS movie is the true sequel to Jurassic Park.

If you liked the original Jurassic Park and wish you could watch it again without knowing how it ends, you should go see Jurassic World.

This is classic Steven Spielberg cinema.
The things you liked about the original are also in this movie:
 - amazing, unpredictable, dangerous animals
 - unexpected heroes
 - a decent plot
 - characters you want to see get eaten

Compared to Jurassic World, Jurassic Park II and III are just random dinosaur movies.  In those movies, you could easily swap out the dinosaurs for any other wild animal, frankly.
In Jurassic World, we go back to the original scary creatures: greed and government.  Like the original Park, the dinosaurs in World are as much innocent victims as the young kids who get trapped in the entertainment park's vehicle designed with their safety in mind.

This movie is available in 2D and 3D.  I went to the 2D version.
The cinematography was wonderful.
I allowed myself to get so sucked into this movie that I grabbed The Husband's arm for a good long portion of the show.  And by the time we were in the car looking left and right for traffic, I fully expected to see a dinosaur somewhere.

I did.
I'm confident enough in myself to admit this.

To be fair, a co-worker of mine thought Jurassic World was cheesy.
Come on.
Dinosaurs.
What did you really expect?
And sure, when the young kids wander off the beaten path, oh gee, what could possibly go wrong?
Yes, there are several predictable plot points, however, there are a few surprises as well.  

I'm also going to throw the band wagon at you. Everyone is seeing World. The Husband and I went to the 2D Monday matinee, and the theater was still half full.
On a work day.
During office hours.

I liked this one a LOT.
I would recommend seeing it in the theater with people. Fun.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Budget cuts as a reason for poor service

She told me she was unable to help me because of budget cuts, and there's a backlog of work, and there's just no one who can help me.

Really.

Can you guess which profession employs this woman ?

Mm, pretty sure it's not the service profession.  Never, EVER have I hear anyone use budget and staff cuts as a reason to not give me service.  An overworked waitress covering twice her number of tables because half the staff was stranded by winter weather has NEVER said she can't help me.  She might apologize for a long wait and have smart management that gives free desserts to make up for it, but the service sector has never flat out told me they can not help me.


Let me back up a step and say that she probably was very overworked, and there probably IS a huge backlog of work with no one to take care of it.
That's not my beef.

I've just never heard "budget cuts" as an excuse from the private sector at all.
Ever.

Have you?  If so, in what context, from which profession?

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Radio Music Programming

In "old" times (1970-90s), radio music directors and DJs were instructed to never, ever play two female artists back-to-back on the air.  It was one of those unspoken rules.  Because there were so few songs with lead female singers, it was best to space them out.  You know, the same way you wouldn't play two instrumental songs back-to-back. 
"Chariots of Fire and Axel F?  Keep those at least an hour apart, 'k?"

At the turn of the millennium, female artists became more popular.  By the time Katy Perry and Britney Spears took over, the "no two females in a row" rule had to be thrown out.  There were just too many females to NOT play them back-to-back... and often.

Today, the challenge is to keep two Taylor Swift songs from playing back-to-back.

Holy cow, that woman is talented and busy.

Sunday, June 07, 2015

Three times is the charm

Hey.

The legend says Beetlejuice appears when you say his name three times.

If I say "Alright" three times, will Matthew McConaughey show up?

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Give me a hand.

Our family members tend to put our feet up on the furniture. I have an odd habit of grabbing those outstretched feet like a firm hand shake. 


Like, "Hey, good to see you."

Younger Son had just come home from tennis practice and had thrown himself on the couch and tossed his feet up on the coffee table. 
As I passed by him, I grabbed his stocking foot and immediately regretted it.  
Hot.  Sweaty.  Smelly.

I held up my tainted hand.  "I'm gonna go wash this now."
He shouted delightfully, "MISTAKES WERE MADE!"

Friday, May 22, 2015

Kinesiology Is Kinda Funny

My chiropractor practices Kinesiology.
It's hard to give a short explanation, but he determines what ails you by touching key sections of your anatomy (like your forehead or your ribs) and pushing down on your outstretched arm.

Yes, it sounds hokey, but it does no harm.

Today, he touched various areas of my body and pushed on my arm saying things like "resentment", " stress", and "bad memory".
On " bad memory", my arm dropped.

"Oh!" he said, "that's not bad memory like 'I can't remember what I had for breakfast'. That's bad memory like ' this makes me feel crummy'. So what do you think that is?"

I told him what I thought it was, and he brought out his spring-loaded pokey thing and punched my spine with it.

He muttered, "That should do it."
"Nope," I said.  "I still remember it. You did it wrong."