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Saturday, September 13, 2014

Smart (gr)Ass

Younger Son was instructed to mow the lawn while The Husband and I were grocery shopping. When we returned home, the mower was on the lawn, but the grass was still growing tall. 


"I couldn't get it to start," Younger Son explained.  

The Husband gave the cord a yank, and the mower purred to life. He shut it off again and looked at Younger Son. 

"Huh," said Younger Son. "I guess it just needed a really big jerk."

::snort::

(The Husband laughed until he cried and said he's never been more proud of his boy.)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Eat. Pray. Love.

I slapped the side of my head.

"What was that?" The Husband asks.
"Mosquito," I reply.  "Bit me right on the temple."  After some thought, "Does that mean it worships me?"

Monday, September 08, 2014

Not. Enough. Money...

The radio station I left two years ago occasionally calls to ask if I can record commercials for them.  When I worked there, I was the only female announcer to do commercials, and they haven't hired any new female announcers since.
It doesn't happen often because it's a little awkward being having me there.
They start out offering me money to do it, then tell me who the client is.

Last week, I got another one of these calls.
"...wondering if you'd be willing to come in to record an ad.  We'd pay you.  It's for a political candidate."

When I worked at the station, it didn't matter what the subject matter was, I was required to record it as part of my job duties.  No questions.
But, they don't pay my salary anymore...

"Who's the candidate?" I want to know.

Omg, you guys.
It was this guy.

I said no.
In fact, my exact words were, "Oh hell, no."

There's not enough money, folks.  Wow.

Saturday, September 06, 2014

What's that whistling song in the Boxtrolls movie trailer?

(Scroll to end for official music video)


Younger Son informed me I was whistling a pop song wrong, and he proceeded to whistle it the "correct" way.
"Well, what song is it so I can listen to it and do it the right way?" I asked.
He didn't know, and since the only part of the song I knew was the whistling part, I couldn't look up any lyrics on-line.  And, of course, now that I really wanted to hear it, I could never catch it on the radio.

Watching TV one night, a trailer for a movie called The Boxtrolls came on, and there was THE TUNE in the background!


I listened for any lyrics, but the only word I could pick out was, "Oh!"
Not very helpful.

Numerous Google inquiries followed:
"What's the song in the Boxtrolls movie trailer?"
"What's the whistling song in the Boxtrolls TV trailer?"
Nothing but wrong answers. No search brought me to the tune stuck (wrong) in my head.

Then... two free weeks of satellite radio later...
I heard it. And got the name of it off the digital readout.

So friends, I present to you my new favorite song:
"The Walker" by Fitz And The Tantrums


Thursday, September 04, 2014

Take a memo

Wow. 

Sarcasm has no place in business correspondence. Especially when it's a letter of complaint. It makes the writer sound childish and pouty. 

I think the ease and convenience of email has allowed people to forget they are professionals. 

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

The last first day of school.

Over breakfast, I apologized to Younger Son, now a high school senior, for having never taken pictures of him or his brother on their first days of school. 


"Why would you even think of doing that?" he asked. 
"Dunno. All the other moms on Facebook are posting pictures of their kids on their first day of school."
"Well, I thank you for NOT taking pictures of me on the first day of school."
"Okay. Good."

Then I picked up my phone and pointed it at him as if I was going to take a picture. He promptly flipped me off with both fingers knowing I would never click the shutter for a photo like that. 

That's my boy!  :-)

Friday, August 29, 2014

Cool Reception

Can I tell you, I didn't like being a waitress in my 20's because some of the people looked through me as if I was furniture. Not even good enough to look *down* on me as a human being, you understand.


One of my co-workers has a family member who occasionally visits the office. My attempts to engage this family member have been ignored. He doesn't acknowledge my presence when I say hello. He simply comes through the front door and walks to the co-worker's desk as if he works there himself. 
"Hi!" 
I'm furniture. 

Now, this family member is a politician, and my co-worker has told me more than once how much he detests the talk show host I used to work with.  The talk show host who left the station FOUR years go. The radio station *I* left TWO years ago.

I will spare you the four lettered cuss words I would like to use to express how messed up this is. How stupid must you be to be angry with someone simply because she WORKED with someone you don't like?
And how stupid is it how often I encounter this thinking?  

I hate radio. 
Still. 

And I sure as f*ck will never vote for that jerk.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Bank on it

Even though I'm not technically the receptionist or his administrative assistant, my boss usually lets me know when he leaves the office

He:  I'm going to the bank if anyone needs me. 

Me:  Aren't you going to ask if I need anything while you're there?

He:  No, I know better. 

Drat!  He's onto me. 

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Little Comfort

Running errands with The Husband today.

We took our cat-fur-covered comforter to the laundromat to air fluff the fur off of it.  While it tumbled around in the giant dryer, we made a couple stops around town.  By the time we were done with everything else and ready to pick up our bed coverings, it had begun to rain.

POURING rain.

Of course.
The blanket was dry when we took it to the laundromat... to use the dryer... but in order to get the comforter out of that building and into our home, we'd need to get it wet.

Thbbbt.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Laundry Pick-Up Sticks - The Rules

I don't like folding laundry.  I especially do not like matching socks.

So, to make this chore more fun and interesting, I made up a game.  I call it Laundry Pick-Up Sticks.  It's like the traditional game of pick-up-sticks... with a few adjustments.
This could even be a good way to teach your children how to fold laundry.
You can play alone or with family members.  The more laundry you have, the better the game is.
Here are the rules:

Object of the Game
Collect and fold all of your laundry leaving the fewest pieces of clothing unclaimed.

General Rules of Play
Clothing must be drawn from the pile in a manner that causes the least amount of movement to the rest of the pile although some shifting is expected.  At no point may a player move clothes to gain access to or site of other laundry pieces.
While incidental touching is expected, players may only grip laundry items that they intend to claim and fold.  Once a piece is gripped, it is considered to have been claimed and play must continue with this piece.
Players are encouraged to maneuver around the pile to look for more pieces of clothing from any other angle.


For Two or More Players
Dump your clean, dry laundry onto a flat surface accessible to all players.  The person who is thought to have the most items of laundry in the pile draws first.  S/He chooses any item of clothing that belongs to him/her.  After drawing, player must properly fold the clothing before drawing again. Player keeps drawing until one of two things happens:

Scenario 1) Player believes s/he has pulled from the pile all articles of clothing that belong to him/her.  At this point, this player will pull no more laundry from the pile for the remainder of the game even if more of his/her articles of laundry are revealed as play continues.  Play shifts to player who has the most amount of laundry left in the pile.

Scenario 2)  Player accidentally pulls a piece of laundry that does not belong to him/her.  Player remains in the game; however, play shifts to the owner of the last piece of laundry pulled. 

Play continues until all clothing is claimed and folded, or until the only articles of clothing left in the pile belong to players who opted out in the first scenario.

Scoring:
Each player adds one point for each article of clothing left in the pile that belongs to him/her.
The player with the least points wins!
The player with the most points must properly fold the remaining laundry and distribute it to the appropriate players.
In the case of a tie, the player who has the neatest pile of folded laundry (voted by the other players) wins.  If there are only two players, and both insist they have the neater pile of folded laundry, both win for having all of their laundry neatly folded.

For One Player with Multiple Family Members:
Dump your clean, dry laundry onto a flat surface.  Draw a piece of clothing that belongs to the person who has the most items of laundry in the pile.  Fold it.  Continue to draw this person's items and folding them until one of two things happens:

Scenario 1)  You believe you have pulled from the pile all the articles of clothing that belong to the person you've been drawing for.  You will pull no more laundry for this person for the remainder of the game even if more of this person's laundry is revealed as play continues.

Scenario 2)  You accidentally pull a piece of laundry that belongs to a different family member.  At this point, play shifts to items owned by the owner of the last piece of laundry pulled.

Continue drawing and folding clothing until all clothing is folded or until the only articles of clothing left in the pile belong to family members who were eliminated in Scenario 1.

Scoring:
You get one point for each article of clothing left in the pile.
0-3 points:  Domestic Engineer!
4-6 points: You're one sock short of a pair.
7 points or more: Desperate Housewife

For One Player Households:
Dump your clean, dry laundry onto a flat surface.  Draw any article of clothing.  Fold it.  Continue to draw and fold articles of clothing in this category (ie. socks, underwear, t-shirts) until one of two things happens:

Scenario 1)  You believe you have pulled from the pile all the articles of clothing in this category.  You will pull no more laundry in this category for the remainder of the game even if more items in this category are revealed as play continues.  Choose any new category to continue play.

Scenario 2)  You accidentally pull a piece of laundry that belongs to a different category.  Play shifts to this new category.

Continue drawing and folding clothing until all clothing is folded or until the only articles of clothing left in the pile belong to a category eliminated in Scenario 1.

Scoring:
See above.

Alternate rules:

- Require players to claim all socks before pulling any other articles out of the pile.
- Award negative points for any "community" laundry pulled and folded.  For example, fold a bath towel/wash cloth shared by the family or an article of laundry that belongs to an absent player, and you can remove one point from your final score. This is a good strategy to use when player can no longer see any of his/her laundry, but knows there is some left in the pile.  Using this play ends the player's turn, and play continues with the player with the most laundry left in the pile.



***

For households with small loads of laundry, leave the laundry in the basket.  Play by drawing from the basket.
Feel free to create "family rules".