Tuesday, September 02, 2014

The last first day of school.

Over breakfast, I apologized to Younger Son, now a high school senior, for having never taken pictures of him or his brother on their first days of school. 

"Why would you even think of doing that?" he asked. 
"Dunno. All the other moms on Facebook are posting pictures of their kids on their first day of school."
"Well, I thank you for NOT taking pictures of me on the first day of school."
"Okay. Good."

Then I picked up my phone and pointed it at him as if I was going to take a picture. He promptly flipped me off with both fingers knowing I would never click the shutter for a photo like that. 

That's my boy!  :-)

Friday, August 29, 2014

Cool Reception

Can I tell you, I didn't like being a waitress in my 20's because some of the people looked through me as if I was furniture. Not even good enough to look *down* on me as a human being, you understand. 

One of my co-workers has a family member who occasionally visits the office. My attempts to engage this family member have been ignored. He doesn't acknowledge my presence when I say hello. He simply comes through the front door and walks to the co-worker's desk as if he works there himself. 
I'm furniture. 

Now, this family member is a politician, and my co-worker has told me more than once how much he detests the talk show host I used to work with.  The talk show host who left the station FOUR years go. 

I will spare you the four lettered cuss words I would like to use to express how messed up this is. How stupid must you be to be angry with someone simply because she WORKED with someone you don't like?
And how stupid is it how often I encounter this thinking?  

I hate radio. 

And I sure as f*ck will never vote for that jerk.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Bank on it

Even though I'm not technically the receptionist or his administrative assistant, my boss usually lets me know when he leaves the office

He:  I'm going to the bank if anyone needs me. 

Me:  Aren't you going to ask if I need anything while you're there?

He:  No, I know better. 

Drat!  He's onto me. 

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Little Comfort

Running errands with The Husband today.

We took our cat-fur-covered comforter to the laundromat to air fluff the fur off of it.  While it tumbled around in the giant dryer, we made a couple stops around town.  By the time we were done with everything else and ready to pick up our bed coverings, it had begun to rain.


Of course.
The blanket was dry when we took it to the laundromat... to use the dryer... but in order to get the comforter out of that building and into our home, we'd need to get it wet.


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Laundry Pick-Up Sticks - The Rules

I don't like folding laundry.  I especially do not like matching socks.

So, to make this chore more fun and interesting, I made up a game.  I call it Laundry Pick-Up Sticks.  It's like the traditional game of pick-up-sticks... with a few adjustments.
This could even be a good way to teach your children how to fold laundry.
You can play alone or with family members.  The more laundry you have, the better the game is.
Here are the rules:

Object of the Game
Collect and fold all of your laundry leaving the fewest pieces of clothing unclaimed.

General Rules of Play
Clothing must be drawn from the pile in a manner that causes the least amount of movement to the rest of the pile although some shifting is expected.  At no point may a player move clothes to gain access to or site of other laundry pieces.
While incidental touching is expected, players may only grip laundry items that they intend to claim and fold.  Once a piece is gripped, it is considered to have been claimed and play must continue with this piece.
Players are encouraged to maneuver around the pile to look for more pieces of clothing from any other angle.

For Two or More Players
Dump your clean, dry laundry onto a flat surface accessible to all players.  The person who is thought to have the most items of laundry in the pile draws first.  S/He chooses any item of clothing that belongs to him/her.  After drawing, player must properly fold the clothing before drawing again. Player keeps drawing until one of two things happens:

Scenario 1) Player believes s/he has pulled from the pile all articles of clothing that belong to him/her.  At this point, this player will pull no more laundry from the pile for the remainder of the game even if more of his/her articles of laundry are revealed as play continues.  Play shifts to player who has the most amount of laundry left in the pile.

Scenario 2)  Player accidentally pulls a piece of laundry that does not belong to him/her.  Player remains in the game; however, play shifts to the owner of the last piece of laundry pulled. 

Play continues until all clothing is claimed and folded, or until the only articles of clothing left in the pile belong to players who opted out in the first scenario.

Each player adds one point for each article of clothing left in the pile that belongs to him/her.
The player with the least points wins!
The player with the most points must properly fold the remaining laundry and distribute it to the appropriate players.
In the case of a tie, the player who has the neatest pile of folded laundry (voted by the other players) wins.  If there are only two players, and both insist they have the neater pile of folded laundry, both win for having all of their laundry neatly folded.

For One Player with Multiple Family Members:
Dump your clean, dry laundry onto a flat surface.  Draw a piece of clothing that belongs to the person who has the most items of laundry in the pile.  Fold it.  Continue to draw this person's items and folding them until one of two things happens:

Scenario 1)  You believe you have pulled from the pile all the articles of clothing that belong to the person you've been drawing for.  You will pull no more laundry for this person for the remainder of the game even if more of this person's laundry is revealed as play continues.

Scenario 2)  You accidentally pull a piece of laundry that belongs to a different family member.  At this point, play shifts to items owned by the owner of the last piece of laundry pulled.

Continue drawing and folding clothing until all clothing is folded or until the only articles of clothing left in the pile belong to family members who were eliminated in Scenario 1.

You get one point for each article of clothing left in the pile.
0-3 points:  Domestic Engineer!
4-6 points: You're one sock short of a pair.
7 points or more: Desperate Housewife

For One Player Households:
Dump your clean, dry laundry onto a flat surface.  Draw any article of clothing.  Fold it.  Continue to draw and fold articles of clothing in this category (ie. socks, underwear, t-shirts) until one of two things happens:

Scenario 1)  You believe you have pulled from the pile all the articles of clothing in this category.  You will pull no more laundry in this category for the remainder of the game even if more items in this category are revealed as play continues.  Choose any new category to continue play.

Scenario 2)  You accidentally pull a piece of laundry that belongs to a different category.  Play shifts to this new category.

Continue drawing and folding clothing until all clothing is folded or until the only articles of clothing left in the pile belong to a category eliminated in Scenario 1.

See above.

Alternate rules:

- Require players to claim all socks before pulling any other articles out of the pile.
- Award negative points for any "community" laundry pulled and folded.  For example, fold a bath towel/wash cloth shared by the family or an article of laundry that belongs to an absent player, and you can remove one point from your final score. This is a good strategy to use when player can no longer see any of his/her laundry, but knows there is some left in the pile.  Using this play ends the player's turn, and play continues with the player with the most laundry left in the pile.


For households with small loads of laundry, leave the laundry in the basket.  Play by drawing from the basket.
Feel free to create "family rules".

Monday, August 04, 2014

The Good Kind of Family Rivalry

For the first time in a long time, I attended my mom's family reunion.
My mother was the youngest of eleven children.  Each one of her siblings married and had about five children of their own.  Do the math, and you'll see that on my mother's side alone, I have twenty aunts and uncles, roughly fifty cousins, and more second cousins than I will ever meet. (My dad is one of nine children, all of whom married and had about five kids each, too.  But that's another reunion..)  So, you see, this is a large gathering.  I think nearly one hundred people showed up this year.

We had a potluck at the park where we had reserved the pavilion.  There were silly games to play like "Guess How Many Pennies in the Pickle Jar" and "How Heavy is the Ham?"

We had a short "meeting" where we voted on whether or not to have another reunion next year (the vote was yes), and we raised our hands to show if enough people would be interested in activities like baseball and volleyball to bother getting out the equipment.  Most everyone just wanted to sit and visit, but the family of my mom's brother all cheered and raised their hands for each activity that was announced.
Noticing the lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the reunion, one of the brother's sons shouted, "Come on!  You guys all like softball!"
I replied with equal volume, "No one wants to play against your family!"
Laughter all around.

Before we were dismissed to wander the grounds, the winners of the silly penny-guessing type games were announced.  As each winner was announced, the excitement grew because each winner was a member of that same brother's family. 
As the last cousin carried her prize back to the table, I hollered, "And that's why no one wants to play against you guys!"

I brought the house down.
It was a good day.

Saturday, August 02, 2014

County Fair

Of course the first day of the county fair is the hottest day of the summer.

As co-workers filed into work complaining about the heat, I enthusiastically suggested we gather on the oven-baked pavement of the fairgrounds.

"It'll be FUN!" I insisted.  "We could hang out in the cattle barns!"
"No!  We gotta hang out in the beer tent!"
"Nuh-uh.  In the cattle barn, you know the animals have been washed.  In the beer tent, no such guarantee."

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Not exclusive concepts

The Jimmy John's deliver guy was surprised by the renovations taking place in the office.

He: These doors are new... or am I crazy?
Me: Could be both.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

"We Built The Pyramids!" - Barenaked Ladies

I work with computer geeks.
They know they are geeks.
They are proud of it.

I am not a computer geek.  What I am is at least ten years older than the oldest employee there and more than twenty years older than most of them. Thankfully, I have teenage sons who have rubbed off enough of their geekiness onto me that I can fake my way through most conversations.

I went to lunch with a group gigabyte of these geeks this week.
At one point, our boss mentioned how working in our office is a lot like hanging out with the characters in the TV show Big Bang Theory.
"We've got all the personalities," he remarked.
We all pondered this quietly because no one wanted to point fingers (or have fingers pointed at them).

And I wondered which character that would make me.
Penny?  No way.
Amy?  Bernadette?

Then it hits me.

I'm Sheldon's mom.

Sunday, April 06, 2014

2-Word Movie Review - Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Here are your two words:

Routine Maneuvers

(Please skip ahead to the *** if you wish to avoid the following hating-on-children-in-theaters rant)

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit that my enjoyment of this movie was hampered by three morons who thought it was acceptable to bring their 5-year-old children to this PG-13 production.
What. The. What.
The previews that were shown before the movie should have been scary enough to warn those parents that this was not going to be a family-friendly romp in the primary colored playground.  Everything in the previews was dark and violent.
But no.  No one reviewed their judgement.  No one took their kids to a more appropriate movie.
So the entire theater was blessed with frequent bursts of "Is he okay?" and "What happened?" followed by very loud "SHHHH! Be quiet!" throughout the show.
"But," I imagined the parents thinking, "there's no gratuitous sex or splattering blood, so this is okay."
Mm hm.  Let's ignore the numerous blunt force head trauma injuries and gun to the head murders.  Yes, murders.  LOTS of people get killed in this movie.  Let's take the little ones and show them how normal assault and murder is... especially when the good guys do it.  Quickly.  Repeatedly.  And without remorse.

I hate you people.
Your stupidity offends me.

But, I digress...


Plenty of spoilers ahead.  Plenty.

Your two words come from the feeling that I've seen this movie before.  They spend a lot of time on fight scenes and blowing stuff up, and each one looked a lot like the last one.
"Oh no!  The good guy is on the floor near death!  Oh wait, no, he's up and stronger than before."  Yeah, that's never happened in a movie before.
And what's the deal with the Falcon?  Do we really need to introduce a new flying character?  Doesn't Iron Man fly?
There were three Marvel characters in this movie and others were referenced to often enough that I forgot this was Captain America's movie and not an Avengers movie.

I've seen this, you guys.
I was bored with this movie.

So many times I've seen this, I knew what was coming so very long before it happened.
"Just rip his mask off and be shocked to see who it is, already."
"Yeah, yeah, they'll talk so long the bad/good guy will get away."
"I know Captain America is gonna win, so can we just get to the end of this scene?"

Oh, and what's the deal with the shaking camera effect?
They're sitting in an apartment having a conversation.  Why do we need to shake that like it's a scene from The Blair Witch Project?
What. The. What.

 That being said, if an action-packed, blow 'em up movie is what you're in the mood for, by all means, go.  This is exactly what you're looking for.
Plus, it ends with the promise of a sequel that will have more.
Of the same.

But don't take your kids.
I might have to hurt you.