Sunday, September 24, 2017


The discussion was about social media apps, and I decided to be funny.

Me: I thought Tumblr was Tinder for people trying to find other people who love beverages.
He: You mean, like, a dating app for alcoholics?
Me: Yes.
He: I'd use it.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Campus Hijinks with Younger Son

Younger Son and I are students at the same university. No, we do not commute together. No, we do not stop and chat on campus.  We learned early that a) he does not want to look like he needs to hang out with his mother, and b) I do not want to look *like* someone's mother.

So, we just don't.

We do cross paths once in a great while.  Usually, we make eye contact, Younger Son looks briefly horrified, and we move along without any other acknowledgement.

I asked him how much it bothers him that I'm at the same school as he is.  He said it doesn't bother him at all, said he forgets I'm there until he sees me.
Same for me.

One day as I crossed campus, I received a text just as I turned toward the library.  The text said, "Mwah-ha-ha."
And out of the corner of my eye, I saw Younger Son walking past.  He had been following me the entire way.

Another time, I was making my way from the parking lot to class when I saw Younger Son traveling perpendicular to me.  I quickly assessed that at our current speeds, we'd cross exactly half way, possibly even bumping into each other physically.
I pulled out my phone and texted, "On your right."
Neither of us broke stride as I watched him check his phone. He glanced up, and went back to his phone and sent, "Thanks."
He sped up, I slowed down, crisis averted.

Today after class, I spied him on a bench wearing earbuds and watching something on his phone. He was completely emersed in his little screen.
"I could totally sit next to him, and he wouldn't know it was me until it was too late," I thought to myself.
I got halfway to him, but turned around. While the action would be funny, it would break our unspoken rules of engagement. Eye contact, okay; direct contact, not okay.
Texting a message, okay; speaking a message, not okay.
I suddenly realized that we have somehow created a weird hybrid game of hide and seek and tag.
So, rather than take a seat next to my son, I took the longer route up a hill behind the bench.
I texted, "Smooch," then "Behind you." And never looked back.
His reply was, "Ugh."


Sunday, September 03, 2017

When in Wisconsin...

Walking toward the fairgrounds entrance ahead of us is a couple dressed in matching bib overalls.  He is wearing a baseball cap, and she is wearing a straw hat and carrying a straw tote bag.

I say to The Husband, "Sometimes I think city people buy costumes to wear to Wisconsin."
The Husband sees the couple and nods.  "As if it's part of the event.  Like they're playing along and adding to the atmosphere. Like at a Renaissance fair!"
"Yes!" I agree.  "A Redneck-aissance fair!"

Tuesday, August 22, 2017


$1.69 for 5 oz. of yogurt.
It's pretty average yogurt. Nothing special.

It makes more sense to imagine paying $1.69 for the glass container and getting free yogurt.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Late Night Laundry

When you decide you've been up too late and are finally looking forward to going to bed, but then you remember you still have laundry in the washing machine, and you can't leave it until tomorrow because you've already let it set too long and rewashed it more than once today and there's a pair of slacks in this load that you need to wear tomorrow.


Monday, August 07, 2017

Two Word Movie Review - The Dark Tower

Here are your two words:

"Two Stories"

No, this doesn't refer to how tall the Dark Tower is.
These two words let you know that the movie, based on the Stephen King "Dark Tower / Gunslinger" books, is a completely separate story from the 7-book series.

Sure, you have Roland the Gunslinger, Walter the man in black, and Jake the boy from New York.  There's also one creepy ass house.
And yeah, there's a tower.
But there's little else in the movie that you will recognize from the books.

Beyond that, it's a pretty decent action flick.
If you want an action flick, you should go.  You'll like it.

Aside from that creepy ass house, very little of the movie has any "Stephen King"creep factor.
If you want to avoid Stephen King creepy, you should go.  You'll like it.
(However, there will very likely be a pre-movie trailer for "IT", and that has plenty of SK creepiness.  So, go get your popcorn during that trailer.)

However, if you've read the books and you want to see a totally awesome movie adaptation of the books, don't go.
You will be very disappointed.

It's a good movie, but it's not the story you might be expecting.

Read this author's movie critic credentials.
Read more Two Word Reviews.

Friday, August 04, 2017



I'm on the phone with a library... having a job interview right now.


I think it went very well.
They'll contact me by the end of next week to let me know if I get to advance to the next level or not.

Two Word Movie Review - Dunkirk

Here are your two words:

Three Stories

This movie is three stories blended together to illustrate what happened on the beach of Dunkirk, France during World War II.

I thought it was a good movie.
It was not the movie I thought I was going to see.
I thought the movie was going to be about the British civilians who sailed their personal seacraft to the beach and saved lives.
I mean, read the poster: "When 400,000 men couldn't get home, home came for them."
I was partly right, but I was mostly wrong.

Because only one third of this movie was about the brave civilians.
Another third of the movie was about fighter pilots.
And another third of it followed the soldiers on the beach.

Knowing that you are watching three separate stories will help you enjoy the movie more.  During the movie, you are shown the words "The Mole: One Week", "The Sea: One Day" and "The Air: One Hour".  Those words are meant to explain that you are watching one story about what happens over the course of one week on The Mole (the beach), a separate story about what happens on The Sea over the course of one day, and another story about what is happening in The Air over the course of just one hour.
(Maybe you are far smarter than I am, but I had no idea what those words were trying to tell me; I had my ah-ha! moment in the car on the way home afterwards.)

It's a good story.
All of them.

If you can't get to the theater before it's gone, rent it or buy it when it comes out on DVD/BluRay.

Read this author's movie critic credentials.
Read more Two Word Reviews.

Thursday, August 03, 2017

Simon('s Cat) & Garf(ield)unkel

(To the tune of "The Sounds of Silence")

Hello Kitty my old friend.
You've come to bother me again.
Into my bedroom you come
You always wake me when I am

"The food! in my cat dish is almost gone!"
::casual yawn::



Then silence.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Husband's Mistress

Today's mail included a flyer from Jeep.
I handed the envelope to The Husband.

Me: Look.  Your girlfriend sent you a letter.
He:  The Jeep is not my girlfriend.  It's my buddy.
Me:  No.  The Jeep is your girlfriend.  You keep talking about taking its top off.