Sunday, April 06, 2014

2-Word Movie Review - Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Here are your two words:

Routine Maneuvers

(Please skip ahead to the *** if you wish to avoid the following hating-on-children-in-theaters rant)

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit that my enjoyment of this movie was hampered by three morons who thought it was acceptable to bring their 5-year-old children to this PG-13 production.
What. The. What.
The previews that were shown before the movie should have been scary enough to warn those parents that this was not going to be a family-friendly romp in the primary colored playground.  Everything in the previews was dark and violent.
But no.  No one reviewed their judgement.  No one took their kids to a more appropriate movie.
So the entire theater was blessed with frequent bursts of "Is he okay?" and "What happened?" followed by very loud "SHHHH! Be quiet!" throughout the show.
"But," I imagined the parents thinking, "there's no gratuitous sex or splattering blood, so this is okay."
Mm hm.  Let's ignore the numerous blunt force head trauma injuries and gun to the head murders.  Yes, murders.  LOTS of people get killed in this movie.  Let's take the little ones and show them how normal assault and murder is... especially when the good guys do it.  Quickly.  Repeatedly.  And without remorse.

I hate you people.
Your stupidity offends me.

But, I digress...


Plenty of spoilers ahead.  Plenty.

Your two words come from the feeling that I've seen this movie before.  They spend a lot of time on fight scenes and blowing stuff up, and each one looked a lot like the last one.
"Oh no!  The good guy is on the floor near death!  Oh wait, no, he's up and stronger than before."  Yeah, that's never happened in a movie before.
And what's the deal with the Falcon?  Do we really need to introduce a new flying character?  Doesn't Iron Man fly?
There were three Marvel characters in this movie and others were referenced to often enough that I forgot this was Captain America's movie and not an Avengers movie.

I've seen this, you guys.
I was bored with this movie.

So many times I've seen this, I knew what was coming so very long before it happened.
"Just rip his mask off and be shocked to see who it is, already."
"Yeah, yeah, they'll talk so long the bad/good guy will get away."
"I know Captain America is gonna win, so can we just get to the end of this scene?"

Oh, and what's the deal with the shaking camera effect?
They're sitting in an apartment having a conversation.  Why do we need to shake that like it's a scene from The Blair Witch Project?
What. The. What.

 That being said, if an action-packed, blow 'em up movie is what you're in the mood for, by all means, go.  This is exactly what you're looking for.
Plus, it ends with the promise of a sequel that will have more.
Of the same.

But don't take your kids.
I might have to hurt you.


Dani said...

I will totally be seeing this movie. Partly 'cause I'm a comic book fan but mostly 'cause Chris Evans in spandex....just sayin'

Roses said...

He doesn't take off his shirt. :-(
Because it's a family movie, you know.

Dani said...

Awww boo! Lol.

Anonymous said...

pretty nice blog, following :)

Roses said...

Thank you, friend!