"The other night
You wouldn't believe
The dream I just had
About you and me..."
- Some Nights by fun.
This is just for me.
It is not the funny.
I fell asleep last night thinking of Lily. Been thinking of her a lot lately and I don't know why. There are no anniversaries of hers, no birthdays, no "this is when she found out she had cancer" dates or anything.
Best I can figure is she's checking in on me and I'm just picking up on it.
What I was thinking specifically was the last time I saw Lily alive. We were all home the first year Dad had to celebrate Mom's birthday without Mom. Everyone was on their way to church the same time that I was climbing into my car to drive home to Wisconsin.
Lily hugged me goodbye a little longer than usual. I would find out later that she knew she was going to refuse any more treatment, and she knew this would be the last hug she'd give me. But I was in a hurry because I'd wanted to say goodbye to the relatives across the street before they left for church.
It's not like I blew her off, but it was a moment that should have been savored. Not hurried.
Before you tell me "It's okay, Roses. She understands," let me tell you about the dream I had.
I fell asleep with this last hug on my mind.
After feeling my sister's presence for a few weeks.
In the dream, she is hugging me hard. I am weeping into her shoulder, "I have missed you so much."
"I miss you too," she says.
"I haven't seen you since December 3rd."
"I know. But see? That isn't the last time you got to see me anymore. Now we have this."
I got to give my sister the goodbye hug I wish I'd given her.
Because now we have this.
All is well.
Saturday, September 01, 2012
"The other night