Monday, November 28, 2011

Hold your horses!

It's like asking on your first day of driver's training, "Now, which pedal is the gas, and which one is the brake?"
And having the instructor mash down on the gas and say, "This one!"

I have this friend who takes my questions and runs with them.
"Hey, do you know anyone who makes those microwave corn pillows?"
Shortly after saying, "Let me check," she will call several craft stores and search the internet for the item.  By the time she comes to me with an answer, she has three different types of corn pillows loaded on her laptop ready to buy.  All she needs to know is which one I want, and she'll order it with her credit card.

"What's the Powerball jackpot up to this week?  Isn't it about a hundred million?"
Thirty minutes later... "Powerball is only about 11 million, but SuperCash has better odds, so I got both.  Which one do you want?  'cause I'll take whichever one you don't want.  Or, you can take them both, or I'll just keep them."

"How do I post this picture on Facebook?"
"Here..." (typity typity type type) "I just posted it and tagged all your co-workers and tweeted your immediate family and sent a link via e-mail to your entire high school class."

Stop it.

Answer one damn question.
It's yes.  Or, it's no.
The answer is not, "How many should I buy for you?"

She does it because she is super nice and super helpful.
And you feel bad telling her to knock it off.
And that she's scaring you.

"Take your *ucking foot off the gas, woman!  You're going to get me killed!"
"Really?  Gosh, I didn't mean to.  I'm really, really sorry.  Stop the car and I'll leave you alone and walk back to the driving school, unless you want me to program GPS directions for you before I go..."

Making me a jerk for telling her to take a chill pill.
Do you have people like this in your life?
How do you deal with this?

Honestly.  This is the first time I've ever had someone pull this kind of crap on me.
It is truly scary how out of control it makes me feel.
The losing sleep kind of out of control, you know?


Shanna said...

I am married to one quite similar to this. He can't just answer a yes or no question he has to go into the why and how of where the answer came from and most times forgets completely what the original question was. He is always trying to guess what the next question will be and tries to answer that instead of the question I just asked. Drives me insane? Q: Where did you put my socks? A: I folded them last night when I did laundry and thought you might like to where them with that black sweater sometime this week. Ok, so where are my damn socks? ;)

Thumper said...

Stop blogging about me! I'm just trying to be nice!


This might be about me, a little bit...

brandi said...

Reminds me of my dad. Whenever we went some place and I would say "look, that's different" or "isn't that cute" He automatically thought I was asking for whatever it was.
I had to keep explaining how a female mind works. We don't want EVERYTHING.
Well, maybe not from our dad....

The Old Man said...

I tend to have a "people-pleaser" gene like the one you encountered - although my lovely wife wouldn't believe it.
But I have also been the one who says "Oh, I'll look it up!".
Unless the offer of help repeatedly triggers your "Help Me!" reflex, I'd try to gentle the person trying to help.
This has worked for me - and it's only been 41 years since our wedding.
YMMV - but willingness to help is a good start - IMHO.

Good luck to both of you.

Oblivious Beast said...

My mom thinks out loud like that and then looks to others to do the deeds. "That's a cute scarf. Will you look that up online? I'll pay for it with my credit... or maybe I could give you a check and you pay for it... Oh, never mind, I think I might of saw that at Hallmark. Maybe it was Avon? Where did I see that? I'm not sure it was that color. I think I like that color but maybe in a lighter shade. How long is it? Is it long enough? Where's my tape measure? Oh, never mind, just order that one there... no wait. I'll go downtown soon and look again to see if I can find it. I'd really like to get it for my girlfriend, she's the one who saw it first."

I don't know how I handle it. Not much use there. Because she's my mom, I have no qualms about being dramatic and saying things like "Are you planning on using that scarf? Because I have a good use for it about now."

Maybe start calling her Speed Racer. Or "Back up the thought train, it's going too fast." Humor is your only weapon for situations like that.

Roses said...

Shanna: The Husband answers questions like that, too. A co-worker once asked him when his next newscast was, he answered by giving her the entire day's news schedule to which she nodded her head and said, "Let me rephrase that: can I borrow your headphones for five minutes?"

Thumper: You? With the pink hair? And the blistered feet? Naw...

Brandi: Aw! Honey, you are your dad's little princess! That is adorable (to someone on the outside, anyway).

Old Man: Welcome! Thanks for chiming in!

Oblivious Beast: I think your mother has left messages on my voice mail. Oy!

Bou said...

I'm like that, partially, and for different reasons. I'm a research/find the answer freak. If you said, "Do you know anyone who sells..." I'd have four things for you on the 'net, and send you the links. I'd not take it that next step.

I just... have to find the answers to things. I really think it's the mathematician in me.

Roses said...

Bou: I'm pretty sure if I ask you a math question, I'll get a math answer. That's why I would ask you the question in the first place.

(Heads up, folks, I'm a little tired and grouchy today. This is something of a deep-sigh comment that might come off a little snippy.)

Here is, maybe, the piece "helpers" aren't seeing.

If I ask you "Do you know...", I'm asking *you*. I am surfing YOU.

In the specific case of the corn pillows, the woman I asked manages a small store of local crafters. I prefaced my question with, "Oh great vendor guru..." to point her in the direction of the craft vendors she knows.
By the time she came to me with her on-line selections, I had already found several of the same ones... on-line.
I pointedly told her then that I was hoping one of her craft vendors made them and she replied, "Oh. I didn't even think of that."

The biggest piece of the puzzle, and she never went there.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You deleted 2 comments of people just wanting to be liked. Wow.

Roses said...

Don't much like people who don't sign their names.
I'm kinda kooky that way.

Bou said...

Ahhh... yeah, she's a craft vendor. That adds another piece of the puzzle too. But, really the part that I found odd was that she would buy it for you!

If you asked me a math question, you'd definitely get the math answer. And all the frickin' suggestions on the 'net as to where I like to go best. Kinda overkill.

Mrs. Who said...

*hangs head* I tend to explain things beyond what is needed. It's the Southerner in me...

Zelmarific said...

She's definitely like a very close relative who doesn't realize you are a grown up!

Roses said...

Just remembered a few years ago, there was a blizzard that trapped me at work. You could get around town, but the county roads were drifting shut.
The bar across the street was open because the employees who lived in town could come in. I ordered a small pizza and dragged it back to the station.
Shortly after settling in for the night, I get a phone call from this co-worker telling me she ordered a pizza to be delivered to the station for me. She paid for it and everything because she felt bad for me. She was so proud. (I had earlier declined her offer to stay at her house because I'd feel awkward there.)
I thanked her gratiously. What else do you do? Tell her she's a jerk for sending you food?

I ended up giving a huge tip to a guy who came out in a blizzard to deliver a pizza that no one ate.