Random 12-year-old

He: Wow! You need to comb your hair, dontcha?

Me: Really, son? Judging by your hairstyle, I didn't know you were aware we have combs in the house.

****

He: Marriage is like a Slurpie. The first couple of sips you're thinking, "Hey, this is pretty good!" And then it hits you. (Places palm on forehead, gives a brain-freeze grimace) "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

(Updated to add: I have since learned that this joke belongs to comedian Jeff Dunham.)