Thursday, April 06, 2017


I told you about the awesome library job I really, really wanted. 
They were under a time crunch to fill the position, so I knew that if I didn't hear from them on the following Monday or Tuesday, I didn't get it.

I didn't hear from them on Monday or Tuesday.  Or Wednesday.
Or Thursday or Friday.
You and I both know I didn't get it.  But some stupid, tiny part of me still held onto hope even though I knew better.

The part of me that knew better mourned my loss over the weekend, and by Monday, I had convinced myself that I was okay keeping the job I already had.  It's not a bad job; it's just a dead end job that's not completely fulfilling.  But it's not bad.  (Work with me, I'm trying to deal with the cards I've been dealt.)

The day I should have been handing in my two weeks' notice, a co-worker in my department handed in hers.
Seriously?  She gets to leave, but I don't?
(No, she did not get the job I had applied for, but for a horrifying moment, I was afraid she had.)

Fast forward to yesterday.
I had just started again to convince myself again that I was okay keeping the job I already had.  Since my co-worker had handed in her two week's notice, our manager had announced he was restructuring the department, and my dead end, unfulfilling job would change a little bit, and it might just be interesting and a little challenging, and yeah, I might be just fine with keeping the job I had.
That's when another co-worker handed in her notice.
Sh!t.  Someone else gets to leave and I don't?  That's a punch to the gut. 

Jump to today.
A third co-worker in my department handed in his notice.
Everyone gets to leave but me?

Then, and only just THEN, I received my official, impersonal, "thanks, but no thanks" form letter email from the library making it official that

I struggled to make it through the day without crying in front of anyone.
I failed.

And about 15 minutes ago a cousin messaged me to let me know an aunt of ours died.

If you need me, I'll be the huddled mass on the couch hugging a blanket and a bottle of whatever adult beverage The Husband has stored where I can reach it.

Oh, and hey.
The United States just dropped bombs on Syria .
So fnck me for whining about my petty problems, right?


Jessica P said...

well, f********ck.....


Roses said...

That's exactly what *I* said!

Shoshanah said...

I'm sorry you didn't get that library job. I would totally hire you... sadly, I have no job to offer.

Roses said...

Awww, thank you, Shoshanah.