I told you about the awesome library job I really, really wanted.
They were under a time crunch to fill the position, so I knew that if I didn't hear from them on the following Monday or Tuesday, I didn't get it.
I didn't hear from them on Monday or Tuesday. Or Wednesday.
Or Thursday or Friday.
You and I both know I didn't get it. But some stupid, tiny part of me still held onto hope even though I knew better.
The part of me that knew better mourned my loss over the weekend, and by Monday, I had convinced myself that I was okay keeping the job I already had. It's not a bad job; it's just a dead end job that's not completely fulfilling. But it's not bad. (Work with me, I'm trying to deal with the cards I've been dealt.)
The day I should have been handing in my two weeks' notice, a co-worker in my department handed in hers.
Seriously? She gets to leave, but I don't?
(No, she did not get the job I had applied for, but for a horrifying moment, I was afraid she had.)
Fast forward to yesterday.
I had just started again to convince myself again that I was okay keeping the job I already had. Since my co-worker had handed in her two week's notice, our manager had announced he was restructuring the department, and my dead end, unfulfilling job would change a little bit, and it might just be interesting and a little challenging, and yeah, I might be just fine with keeping the job I had.
That's when another co-worker handed in her notice.
Sh!t. Someone else gets to leave and I don't? That's a punch to the gut.
Jump to today.
A third co-worker in my department handed in his notice.
Everyone gets to leave but me?
Then, and only just THEN, I received my official, impersonal, "thanks, but no thanks" form letter email from the library making it official that I.am.going.no.where.
I struggled to make it through the day without crying in front of anyone.
And about 15 minutes ago a cousin messaged me to let me know an aunt of ours died.
If you need me, I'll be the huddled mass on the couch hugging a blanket and a bottle of whatever adult beverage The Husband has stored where I can reach it.
Oh, and hey.
The United States just dropped bombs on Syria .
So fnck me for whining about my petty problems, right?
Thursday, April 06, 2017