Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Way back in the 80's, I decided I needed a bar name, not because I hung out in bars all that much, but because I'm a lousy judge of character.  Too often I'd blab too much information about myself and too late realize that the guy I'd blabbed to was of the sort that I'd rather be free of sooner than later.

I also realized that a bar name would do me no good if I hesitated at all in giving it.  So, I picked a name in the safety and security of my own home and practiced saying it until it sounded natural.

"My name is Janice."

No idea why I chose Janice.  If I had a reason then, I can't remember it now.

Came a night when I was out with three girlfriends.  We weren't looking for anything but a couple drinks and some good music. 
We'd settled into a booth at a nice place and ordered our drinks.  Soon, a man staggered over from the bar and introduced himself.

"I know you ladies are way out of my league, but I am very drunk, therefore, very harmless, and I would just like to sit and talk with some pretty women for a few minutes."  He gestured toward a nearby chair.  "May I?"
Well, there were four of us, we were in a public place, and besides being drunk, he seemed to at least be honest.  Plus, he said we were pretty.  So, we said yes, please pull up a chair.

Once he was seated, he remarked how, since we all knew his name, it was only fair we tell him ours.

I was ready! Around the table, names were shared.  I was last.
And I was prepared.

"My name is Janice."

Perfect!  Delivered with confident perfection!  No one could have suspected my name was anything other than Janice!

It was then I learned that saying your bar name with conviction is only half of being convincing. 

The other (very important) half that I had not considered at all is warning your girlfriends that you have a bar name so they don't burst out laughing when you say it.
Because that's what they did.

"Well!" declared our drunken suitor.  "We all know that name is fake!"
"Thanks, you guys.  Thanks a lot."


Andy said...

Heh! I didn't know single girls had "bar names." I know a lot of married men do...but... ;)

Roses said...

Andy: Oh, sure! Fake names, fake phone numbers.

Harvey said...

That's when you smile sheepishly and give him your back-up bar name, which he'll have to believe, since no one would give TWO fake names.