Monday, March 16, 2009

Apology - true or false?

True or false:

A sincere apology does not contain the word "but".
The word "but" turns it into an excuse.
If an apology includes the word "but", it is not an apology at all.

Your thoughts?

14 comments:

Max and Pooh said...

Sometimes another person makes you "apologize" for something that you really don't mean at all so you use "BUT" as a way to let them know they're not really getting what they want.

I'm just saying...

leeann said...

"But" is a face-saving word in an apology. I'm not sure it makes the apology less sincere, but it does measure the closeness level between the apologizer and the receiver.
If you are very close to the one apologizing, saving face doesn't matter and the "but" isn't used.
My two cents, there.

Dani said...

I concur 100%

Rave said...

'but' means forget everything before the 'but' and I only mean what I say after the 'but.'

IE- 'I'd love to go but I have work.' or 'I wish I could watch your kids, but I am swamped' or 'I agree wholeheartedly with you...but what about the dolphins?'

But- just means I am making an excuse, and here comes the real reason.

Thumper said...

"But" is a negator. So you're right, it turns an apology into an excuse...but the person offering it likely does not realize that they are negativing everything positive they say before that crucial word.

Richmond said...

I agree - not buts belong in an apology...

The Gray Monk's Scriptorium said...

I agree - "but" means there is no apology.

Lukie said...

I would have to say our right BUT sometimes a but is used to explain why something happened. I have to apologize to a neighbor. Really my heart tells me to say that I am sorry. The thing is I don't think that I was wrong I am sorry that things happened the way they did.

Priscilla said...

Well you could always say. . but I accept your apology anyway.

Roses said...

Thanks, everyone!

That's kinda how I was leaning.
Too bad I don't have a story to go along with the question. It's just a minor peeve of mine.

Harvey said...

My apology peeve is "if". Politicians use this one all the time "I apologize if my words were misinterpreted blah blah blah". Means nothing. Means LESS than nothing.

A REAL apology comes in the format:

I'm sorry
I was wrong
I won't do it again
End

See also:
http://badexample.mu.nu/archives/098168.php

Roses said...

Harvey: Indeed!
(But you forgot to add the giving of flowers and jewelry at the end, there.)

Household6 said...

There's a way to make excuses without ever using the word "but," you just have to know how to word it well.

"I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I thought that you liked walking around with your skirt tucked into your pantyhose."

No but used but yes they were laughing at your expense!

Roses said...

Household6: Hm... Mentioning pantyhose is very close to mentioning a "butt". ::smirk::

Thanks for stopping by!